Number 7
by gothina234
Summary: One night turns Spencer Reid's life into hell as he becomes a victim to an unsub's sick desire. As he struggles to come to terms with what happened to him, the team searches for his attacker and try to stop him from hurting more innocent men. As they try to help the youngest of them all, they find themselves pushed away. Will Spencer ever truly be himself again? Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, here is a new story for you all that I got into my head and had to get done. I just want everyone to note that the one shot I just posted and this got written about a month apart from each other. This features Non con and abuse and it's rated M for a reason. I'm writing this as I want to explore a much more volatile and emotional aspect to this area of writing. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all. I'm also posting chapter two straight after to make up for disappearing from here for two weeks. I would appreciate if you could review chapters separately as it helps me when I'm looking at all your comments.**

**Oh and there is no Blake in this and no new team member.**

**WARNING - non con and abuse but this won't be as graphic as before, I've kind of left it to your imagination. **

**Enjoy and please review **

**All mistakes are my own**

He closed his eyes and whimpered as it finished, the hand that had pinned his wrists during the horrible assault that he knew would forever changed his life held his wrists even tighter. The hand that had held his hip now stroked through his hair, a muffled sob made its way past the cloth his attacker had stuffed in his mouth.

"Don't cry, Dr Reid," the man said before moving his hand down and stroking Reid's cheek. "I never knew what a prize I had till I checked your wallet. I enjoyed our time together and I know I'll be in your dreams for the rest of your life. I knew you were the next one when you left that coffee shop today."

His attacker pulled the cloth from his mouth and threw it to the floor, Reid let out another small cry before letting out a shaky breath as he tried to keep hold of his sanity. "Why?" he quivered.

"I see a prize and I have to take the treasure inside," his attacker said from behind his mask. Reid struggled as the man produced a syringe from his pocket and removed the protective cap. "You have to sleep for the next part."

"No please," Reid cried before struggling under the man's body. "Please, just go, I won't tell anyone."

He let out a small yelp as he felt the sharp sting of the needle piercing his arm, his vision blurred and he laid his head on the floor as the drug quickly ran through his system. As he closed his eyes and fell under the drug's spell, he wondered if he would ever wake up again.

* * *

Garcia walked in with a fresh wave of happiness to keep her going for the rest of the week, walking into the BAU required a bright outlook on life to combat all the darkness they met. She was a little late because of traffic but looked forward to seeing everyone.

"There's my baby girl," Morgan smiled as he came and walked with her to the bullpen. "You're a little late."

"I hit traffic on the way in and then some stupid woman decided to slam on her brakes in front of me. How was your weekend?"

"It was good. Nice, quiet and I spent it with Savannah. After all the work we've had, it was nice to just relax and not have to worry."

They walked into the bullpen to see everyone getting some coffee except Hotch and Reid. "Where's Reid?" he asked as he made his way over.

"He isn't in yet," JJ answered.

"He's never late," Garcia mused before grabbing a mug and pouring herself some coffee. "Has anyone called him?"

"I think Hotch is doing it now," Rossi said.

* * *

**An hour earlier**

Awareness crept back into his mind as he felt warmth around his body, he tried to open his eyes but winced at the horrible pain that came through one, he attempted to open them again to find that one was swollen shut. He rose up from the bed and began to shake as he remembered the night before. Confusion came over him as he brought the cover away, he realized he was in his bed with a t-shirt on and some pyjama trousers, pulled them down to find no blood from the night before. Blood that he had felt during every movement. He hissed and groaned at the pain running through his body as he got up, he ignored it as much as he could as he rushed to check every room, closet and area someone could hide. After finding nothing, he went to the front door and pulled across all the locks. He leaned against the door and slid to the floor as everything hit him at once.

Spencer Reid. Genius, son, Federal agent, godfather and now a rape victim.

He let the tears fall and struggled to keep the images of the night before out of his head, all he could hear was his rapist's voice in his ear, telling him what a prize he was. He jumped when a shrill came through his apartment, he gently got up and breathed through the pain as he grabbed his cellphone. It was Monday and he was late for work, Hotch was calling him. He answered the phone. "H-Hello," he said shakily before taking a deep breath.

"Spencer, you're late for work and I've never known you to be late," Hotch said.

There was no way he could go into work, they would know what had happened and they would think he was weak again. "I-I can't come into work today, Hotch."

"Why not? Are you okay?"

"I think I picked up something when I went out to the library on Saturday, I've got a fever and I'm being sick," Reid lied. "I don't think I'll be in for the next few days. I'm really sorry, I just don't want to make you all sick too."

"It's perfectly normal to get sick, Reid. Take a few days and get yourself better, I'm sure we can survive a few days without statistics. Call us if you need anything."

"I will and tell the others I'll see them when I'm better. I don't want them to see me like this, it's not pretty."

"They'll understand," Hotch spoke down the phone to him. "Go back to bed, drink plenty of water and get some sleep. We'll see you in a few days."

"Thanks, Hotch," Reid said. "Bye."

He disconnected the call and held the phone in his hand for a few minutes. The team could never know about this, he couldn't let them see how dirty he had become. Going to his satchel, he pulled out his gun and made sure it was definitely loaded. Something caught his eye, he reached into his satchel and brought out a white envelope that didn't belong there. Slowly, he opened it and brought out a Polaroid picture, a picture of another man whom had been badly beaten and was unconscious. Turning it over, he found the number six on the back.

* * *

Everyone gathered in the BAU room, Garcia walked up the screen and focused on the empty chair that Reid wasn't sitting in. "Is he sure he's okay?" Garcia asked.

"He's just got a sickness bug, he's taking it easy at home and he'll be back in a few days. Let's start the briefing."

The rest of the team looked at her, ready for the information. "We have a serial rapist in Virginia and he's local, as in all his attacks have been within twenty miles. Local PD have asked for help. They aren't sure about who the first victim of this unsub was but after one of the victims came to them, they made an appeal and found out four other victims existed. All attacked in their homes, raped and beaten."

"He's attacking them in their homes, that's brazen," Rossi commented. "We have six men but the first remains hidden. Why didn't they come forward with the others?

"Could be scared? The others only came forward after the appeal and the promise of police protection," Morgan said.

"He's taking away their sense of safety and comfort," JJ added. "We're supposed to feel safe in our homes and for the unsub's victims, that safety is now gone. It shows he's possessive too."

"He also has a trademark," Garcia spoke again. "He left each victim with a Polaroid picture, in that picture was the previous victim with their number written on the back. The only one not to have a picture was victim number two. His Polaroid just had an image of an eye on it along with number one on the back. He's struck six times in the last two weeks. We need to get this guy. Why is he leaving the pictures?"

"He's taunting his victims and telling them that they aren't his first, he's also telling them that he's gotten away with it once and he can get away from it again. This unsub knows that it's unlikely the men would go to the police. Look at the statistics on rape, especially with men. Only a small amount actually report it happening," JJ said.

"Boy genius would know the exact statistic," Garcia said sadly, she hated Reid being sick, all it did was make her worry.

"It says here that the victims woke up to find themselves cleaned and in new clothing, no forensic evidence in or on their body. Blood from the attack was also cleaned up," Rossi observed.

"He's organized," Morgan said. "Very organized although it seems he only cleans up anything we could use to find him."

"Garcia, I want you to do background checks on all the victims, I want to see if they have anything or anyone in common, also I want you to check and see if anyone got admitted into the ER with signs of sexual assault two weeks ago. Actually, make it three. The rest of us are going to meet with local police and check the latest crime scene. I want to catch this unsub before he claims a seventh victim," Hotch ordered.

* * *

He felt numb as he laid on his bed with his gun firmly in his hand, his wet hair soaked the pillow his head was laid upon but he didn't care. In one night, he had become a shell, someone had broken into his home and taken something from him that had never been theirs to take. He didn't need to go to the hospital, he had two broken ribs but he could manage them. His face had taken most of the beating, his left eye had swollen shut with a dark vicious bruise covering the area around it and he had a bruised jaw and split lip. Bruises in the shape of hands marred his wrists and his hips along with a lot of other bruising over his body. What worried him the most was not knowing what had happened during his time unconscious. It was clear he'd been cleaned and dressed, his attacker had even cleaned up the broken glass from the struggle and the blood from when he had lost and been subjected to hell.

He didn't have the energy to cry anymore but he couldn't fall asleep. If he fell asleep, he left himself weak and vulnerable, he wouldn't let the bastard hurt him again.

* * *

**Night**

Garcia yawned as she laid on the bed in her apartment, everyone had gotten sent home after they had hit some dead ends with the case, no forensic evidence had been left and all the victims had been able to tell them that the unsub was wearing a mask. She thought about giving Reid a call but changed her mind after seeing the clock. She hoped he was all tucked up in bed watching Doctor Who.

* * *

Matt Johnson walked into his home, tired after working his shift at the bar and having to deal with drunks most of the night. As he checked his mail, he felt something was off. He let out a muffled scream as a hand came over his mouth and threw him to the floor.

"Another treasure," he heard his attacker speak.

**Please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all.**** Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.  
**

******Thank you in advance for all reviews.**

******Enjoy and please review**

******All mistakes are my own**

Morgan pulled up outside the house that Hotch had called the team to, he blinked away how tired he was and turned off the car. He walked over to the team. "Another victim?"

"The medics are attending to him now and they will take him to hospital," Hotch said. "JJ, I want you to go with him and when he's ready to try to get his statement from him."

"I'll call you when I have something," she nodded. The medics brought out the victim on a gurney, all of them saw that he'd been badly beaten and he could barely keep his eyes open. JJ followed the gurney to the ambulance and climbed in.

Detective Smith, the one that called them to case walked out of the house. "You better come in, gloves and foot covers are by the door. Forensics is still going through everything."

They walked into the room after covering their hands and feet and saw obvious signs of a struggle.

"I have my technical analyst searching our victim's background," Hotch spoke as he examined a broken table. "Looks like our victim gave the unsub a fight."

"The unsub made him pay for it," Smith shook his head. "Guy is barely holding on to consciousness."

Smith walked out of the room and picked up the victim's bag.

"Why is he attacking so many men so fast?" Morgan shook his head. "Seven victims in two weeks."

"Shit," Smith vented as he walked back into the room with a brown envelope in his hands and a Polaroid. "We've got a missing victim. Last night, he took his eighth victim not his seventh."

Morgan took the Polaroid but felt sick and dizzy as a flood of emotions came through him. He dropped the Polaroid and looked at Hotch, his eyes wide and in denial. Before Hotch could ask what was wrong, Morgan bolted out of the door and rushed to his car. Rossi rushed over and picked up the Polaroid.

"Please, no," he shook his head.

"Do you know who it is?" Smith asked.

Rossi looked to Hotch, the picture shaking in his hand. "It's Reid."

* * *

Morgan curbed his car and rushed out it, he opened the door to the building and ran up the stairs. He already had his key for Reid's apartment in his hand, he unlocked the door but found two chains stopping him from opening the door. "Reid!"

There was no answer causing him to fear for his friend's state. He stepped back and kicked the door with as much strength as he had, the door snapped open and smacked against the wall. As he rushed in, he saw a foot poking out from the bedroom door. Running over, he found Reid on the floor on his side with a trail of blood down his chin and a puddle of it next to his mouth. Checking for a pulse, Morgan felt overwhelming relief as he found one although it was fast and weak. He wanted to cry at the sight of his friend's beaten and swollen face. Quickly, he pulled out his phone and called for an ambulance. After telling them everything, he shut his phone and tapped Reid's cheek.

"Kid, I'm so sorry," he said. "Wake up, you need to wake up."

* * *

JJ waited in the hall as the doctors examined the latest victim, they had sedated him after he had become combative, they couldn't do a proper exam until he woke up as the man had no medical contact listed. The ER was a busy place but it seemed this one ran very efficiently, there was barely anyone waiting for treatment. A nurse and doctor rushed out to the ambulance bay interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up when the EMT began to talk. "Spencer Reid, 33, suspected internal bleeding. His pulse is weak and dropping, pressure is low."

"Spence!" JJ called as she ran towards them. Morgan rushed in and grabbed her before she could get to the gurney. It disappeared from view but JJ fought to go after it.

"JJ, we need to let the doctors work," Morgan said, she stilled and looked at him.

"What happened to him? I thought he was just ill, it looks like someone beat him up."

"JJ, I need you to listen. After you left the victim's house, we found a Polaroid the unsub had left. Matt Johnson wasn't his seventh victim, he was number eight. The picture was of Reid. He isn't sick, I think he's been raped. He's number seven."

"No," JJ shook her head, her welling up. "No, not him."

* * *

They all sat in the waiting room apart from Rossi, Hotch had asked him to work with Detective Smith, he was most level-headed one of them. He knew Rossi cared for Reid but he also knew that Rossi was able to think clearly when it really mattered. Six hours had passed and they were still waiting for answers.

"Why didn't he tell us?" Garcia said quietly. "We're his family and I don't understand why he didn't call us. No-one should go through what he's been through all alone."

"We can ask him when he wakes up," JJ said. "It must have happened on Sunday night."

"I'm going to kill this bastard," Morgan said angrily to Hotch. "He hurt Reid and almost killed him."

"He'll pay, we'll make sure of that but we need to focus on Reid and the other victim. We also need to find this bastard before he attacks again."

A middle-aged doctor walked over. "Spencer Reid family."

"I'm Aaron Hotchner, I'm his medical contact and you can speak in front of us all."

"I'm Dr Garrison and I'll be treating him while he's here. The surgeon repaired the internal bleeding, the bleeding was slow but after as much time as you told me, he's lucky he made it. He vomited the blood because it had made its way into stomach. He has two broken ribs and some bad bruising over his stomach, bring kicked multiple times caused the internal bleeding. Nothing else got broken but he has deep bruising on over fifty percent of his body, his eyes are swollen shut but the damage should heal on its own. Once he can open his injured eye, I need it to be examined as I don't know if his vision is affected in that eye."

"Did you do the exam?"

"We did after you gave us permission and he's been sexually assaulted, there was some damage which we repaired but we couldn't find any evidence inside him. He's in a room and you can see him."

"We'd like that," Hotch nodded. The team followed the doctor to a room and thanked him before he left. Morgan opened the door and couldn't stop the soul crushing guilt he felt inside himself for not preventing this. He walked over to the bed and closed his eyes, trying to block out the image of his beaten friend. Garcia burst out crying and soon found JJ's arms around her. Hotch came to the other side of the bed and gently held one of Reid's hands. "We are here, Reid."

"No-one came to help him," Morgan muttered before gripping the steel rail of Reid's bed tightly and opening his eyes. "He was alone with the unsub for God knows how long and he got subjected to this. I should have gone and checked on him."

"We had no way of knowing this would happen," Hotch sighed. "You can't start blaming yourself, Morgan. Focus everything you are feeling on finding this unsub, the blame is with him as he committed the crime."

"How is he ever going to move on from this?" Garcia cried.

"With us, he will make it through this," Hotch said before putting his arm around her. "He'll be okay."

* * *

He dragged his mind away from the darkness, clawing for a way to wake up, his mind finally obeying him after a few minutes. He tried to open his eyes but winced at the flare of pain in his swollen eye, he weakly opened his good eye to see a white ceiling that wasn't his apartment ceiling. A soft beeping noise filled his ear as he breathed through the ache he felt over his entire body. Slowly, he turned his head to the side to see JJ asleep. They had found him, he closed his eyes and remembered the panic he had felt when he had vomited up blood. Everything had gone dark after that.

The door opened and Garcia walked in, she gasped when her eyes met his one eye. "Reid, you're awake."

"Who found me?" he asked in scratchy voice. Garcia poured him some water and let him take a few sips, she brought it away and then gently shook JJ's shoulder. JJ woke up sluggishly but became alert when she saw him.

"Spence, I'm so happy you're awake."

"Who found me?" he said again.

"Morgan found you, he used his key but had to kick in the door to break the chains," Garcia explained. "He's with Hotch and Rossi at the moment, he was called in."

"Spence, I know this is difficult but I want you to know that we're going to support you through everything. We know what happened to you on Sunday night," JJ said gently.

"Nothing happened," he denied, he began to breathe quicker as he tried to stay calm. "I just fell."

JJ sat on the edge of his bed, she tried to hold his hand, only for Reid to snatch it back and put it under the covers. "Don't touch me."

"Please don't shut us out," Garcia pleaded.

"Spence, the man who attacked you is a serial rapist who has attacked men for the last two weeks, the only reason we know what happened and the only reason you're still alive is because we got called into the case. He leaves a picture of his last victim with the one he has just attacked. You're his seventh victim and he claimed his eighth victim last night. He left a photo of you and Morgan rushed to your apartment where he found you on the floor with blood over your chin and on the floor. You had internal bleeding which had progressed slowly but had become life threatening over time."

Before she could react, Reid had a button in his hand and pressed it.

"Why are you calling the nurse?" Garcia questioned. A young nurse walked into the room.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"No," Reid shook his head. "Please get them out of here."

"Spence, we can help. Don't do this," JJ begged.

"They are disturbing me and I don't want them here," Reid snapped. "Just get them out."

"You heard him," the nurse ordered. "I have to ask you to leave. I'll call security if you don't."

JJ walked over to Garcia and put her arm around her as the nurse began to usher them out, she turned around and looked into Reid's wide and angry eyes. "We'll be in the waiting room, we aren't going to let you go through this alone."

"NOTHING HAPPENED!" he screamed at them. "GET OUT!"

He watched the nurse usher them out of the room and close the door, he put both his hands to his face and couldn't stop the tears as they began to flow, he coughed as it got worse. Putting his hands back to the bed, he closed his eyes. "Nothing happened," he muttered over and over. "Nothing happened."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all enjoy it. Again, the full explanation for my disappearing act over the last two weeks is on my update for Control. I'm really sorry for not updating, I have two chapters ready for this so two chapters are being posted tonight. I would like to ask if you can review each chapter independently that would be great as it would allow me to filter through them and taken advice from them quicker. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all. **

**Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews, you're absolutely amazing and very caring. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

_"I'm going to take care of you," Reid's attacker whispered in his ear as it continued. "Such a prize and so beautiful."_

_He cried and couldn't stop the whimpers. The unsub laid the side of his head against the back of Reid's head forcing it to press against the floor._

_"Don't cry," the unsub whispered. "You're doing a great job."_

* * *

He opened his good eye and gasped as he struggled to escape the fear that had flooded his dream and now flooded his heart. His breathing hitched but he managed to get it back to normal. Bringing his hand up, he wiped away the wet sensation on his cheeks and brought his legs up as much as he could without disturbing his stomach incision too much. All he wanted to do was make himself small and to hide from the world. He looked up at the door as it opened, a doctor walked in with the same nurse that had ushered JJ and Garcia from his room.

"Hello, Spencer, I'm Dr Garrison and I'll be treating you while you stay here. We just need to check the stitches from your surgery and I need to speak with you about a few things."

Spencer looked at the man and shook his head. "I want a female doctor, I don't want you treating me while I'm here."

"Spencer, I won't hurt you, this is a safe place," Dr Garrison spoke.

"I don't want you touching me!" Reid snapped before staring into the man's eyes. "If you were smart, you would get out of here because if you come near me, I'll break whatever touches me first."

"I think Dr Howard is free, she's in the break room. I'll keep Spencer company while you go and get her," the nurse intervened quickly. "We must respect his wishes."

Dr Garrison quickly rushed out of the room, Reid laid back in his bed and stared at the ceiling. A few minutes passed with nothing but silence in the air.

"I've seen your chart," the nurse said softly. "I'm sorry about what happened to you."

"Look, I fell and hurt myself," he said defensively. "Nothing happened to me and I just want to get out of this place."

Dr Howard walked into the room, her blonde hair bouncing on her shoulder. "Hello, Spencer."

"Hello, Dr Howard," he sighed. "Look, when can I leave here? I don't want to stay here, you've patched me up and I want to go home."

"Kathy, can you give us a few minutes?" Dr Howard said. Nurse Kathy nodded and left the room.

"I looked at your chart and Dr Garrison told me about your other injures. You've been raped," she said, noticing the way he flinched at the word. "This is serious and something that is better to talk about. Denying what happened won't help the pain you are feeling go away."

"Just check my stitches and go," he said stoically.

"Spencer, no-one will think anything different of you, the man whom attacked you forced you into doing something unthinkable and without your consent. There are many people who can come and talk with you, we can give support and even help you tell your friends, you'll need them to get through this."

"I don't need any help from anyone because I'm fine, do I have to call another doctor in? Or will you just check my stitches and leave?" he said angrily. Putting down the clipboard in her hand, she lifted up his hospital shirt and took away a bandage.

"They're doing well, no signs of infection," she said before putting the bandage back and gently pulling the shirt down. She picked up her clipboard and went to leave the room.

"Wait," he called causing her to turn. "Is there anything you can give me so I can sleep? I keep waking up from some strange dreams."

"You mean nightmares?" she said.

"No, just strange dreams. I can't rest properly."

"I'll have Kathy bring you something that should help you sleep."

* * *

**Two hours later**

"Why won't he let anyone come in?" Morgan argued as he spoke with Garcia. JJ had gone to speak with the latest victim about his attack, he was ready to talk to them.

"He doesn't want us near him, he yelled that nothing had happened and to get out. He didn't want us to touch him and he called for nurses as soon as managed to hit the button. I spoke with his new doctor and she gave him something to help him sleep after he asked. Why is he pushing us away?"

"Garcia, he's going through something difficult and trust me when I say this, his mind isn't in the best place. He just went through something that has broken down every safe feeling he ever had. The unsub broke into his home, beat him and raped him, he has taken away the comfort of being safe at home and has violated Reid not only physically but also emotionally. I wish he wouldn't push us away but I'm not entirely surprised about it."

"It's more than that," Garcia spoke, her voice shaking as emotions battled inside of her for control. "He's in complete denial about being raped, he said that he fell, I've never seen him like this. He's scared, angry and vulnerable but he's using his anger the most."

"To hell with it, I'm going to see him," Morgan said.

"He's asleep, Morgan."

"Baby girl, if I can't say what I need to say when he's awake, I'll do it this way. I need to talk to him."

She grabbed a small bag from under the chair. "Put this in there for me, please," she said. "I needed some air when he was asleep. Forensics is all done with his apartment so I went and got him clothes, some books and some things I thought might help him at least remember that we love him."

Taking the bag from her, he nodded and made his way towards the room, he waited till the nurse turned her back and sneaked in. For a minute, he couldn't move, his eyes fixated on his best friend as he slept on his side, an extra pillow by his side in case his head drooped. He walked over and put the bag on the side unit. His hand hovered over Reid's face, all he felt was anger at Reid's rapist, a man whom had made his friend almost unrecognizable in both body and soul. Bringing his hand down, he took a shaky breath.

"Kid, I'm here," Morgan quietly spoke. "I know you don't want to acknowledge what happened but you have to because if you don't, it will eat away at your soul and you'll become like me before I met you and the team. I was lost and in denial about what Buford did to me but when you all made me say the truth, you set me free. I know you were alone with the bastard who hurt you and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you, I just want to step back in time and rip his head off before he could do this to you but I can't. What he did to you doesn't make you anything less. He made you a victim of his own sick desires but you can fight back and make him see that he didn't break you. You are still Dr Spencer Reid, the same genius who put a weird paste on my cupboards so every time I opened them, they would let out a bang. You're still you, don't let him take that away from you. Let us in so we can help. You got an army behind you so call us up when you're ready to take this battle to this bastard. We love you, kid, and an attack on one us is an attack on us all."

Morgan came away and struggled to keep himself from losing control. He stared at Reid's bruised wrists and arms and noticed goosebumps over them. Shrugging off his leather jacket, he laid it over Reid's arms and torso to keep him warm, wanting to give part of himself to Reid, the one way he could think to protect him.

"We will get him, kid, and when we do, he's going to pay for what he did."

* * *

"Why haven't we found any leads to this bastard?" Hotch said angrily to Rossi and Morgan. "We have nothing but a small part of a profile, he's cleaned all physical evidence away which leaves us with no DNA evidence."

He looked down when his phone began to ring. "What?" he snapped as he answered it.

"Sir," Garcia's voice came down the phone. "I think I found the man whom did this to Reid. JJ is with me and she has something too."

"How?" he asked, surprised at the sudden leap in their case.

"Reid won't let us into his room and I have my laptop, I hacked into the cameras around Reid's building and went to Sunday. Reid left his apartment at about five in the evening, he went to a coffee shop nearby and was there about an hour and a half. We tracked him through the cameras along his route home. A man followed him home, he stayed away but he constantly watches our little genius, he entered Reid's apartment building straight after Reid. I know his neighbors and that man doesn't live there."

There was a small rustle and JJ's voice came down the phone.

"We showed a snapshot of the footage we have and we've got a clear image of the guy, our latest victim recognized him from the bar he works at and the man was at the club the night he got raped. He told us the guy talked to him and asked him for his birthday to read him his horoscope. This man has to be the unsub, Hotch."

"Wait, that must mean that Reid spoke with the unsub before the attack," Rossi said. JJ began to talk again.

"We asked Matt Johnson about not being able to recognize the voice. When he was getting attacked, he said that the unsub spoke in a gentle voice with a southern accent and told him what a prize he was and about the other prizes he had taken."

"Reid is not a prize, he's a person!" Morgan growled before hitting his hand against the whiteboard. A silence came over them for a while before JJ continued.

"Johnson told us that the guy spoke to him at the bar in a normal voice, one that wouldn't distinguish where he was from in the US."

Rossi went over to pile of files and looked through them. "All the descriptions match, every victim before Reid gave the detail that he spoke with a southern accent. He's hiding his true personality when he talks to them and then shows himself for what he is when he breaks in and attacks them."

"I'm running his picture through the system but I'm still waiting for a hit," Garcia spoke. Hotch heard a small commotion over the line. Panting quickly came through the line. "Sir, Reid's gone!"

* * *

Savannah woke up when she heard the sound of a bang in Derek's apartment, she knew he was on a case after he hadn't been able to make it to dinner. Pulling on a robe, she opened her front door and used her spare key to enter her boyfriend's apartment only to find it already unlocked. A lamp was on in the living room as she entered. Carefully, she walked to Derek's bedroom where she heard crying. She let out a small gasp as she pushed open the door. Beaten and huddled in the corner of the room was Derek's best friend, she recognized him from the photos Derek had shown her, her eyes immediately noticed Derek's favorite leather jacket on his body. "Spencer."

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" he said quietly.

"My name is Savannah, I'm Derek's girlfriend, how did you get in?"

"I picked the lock," he answered.

"You look like you need to go to a hospital, I'm a doctor. What happened to you?"

* * *

Morgan had checked Reid's apartment and found no sign his friend had returned. Reid had left, the only things missing with him were his shoes and Morgan's jacket. He pulled out his phone as it began to ring. It was Savannah, he pressed the answer button.

"Savannah, this isn't a good time."

"Derek, your friend is here, he wants to talk to you."

Before he could say anything, he heard small sobs coming down the phone. "Reid?"

"I didn't know where else to go," his friend cried down the phone.

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	4. Chapter 4

**And here is the next chapter, straight after the last one. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan raced up the stairs to his apartment, he opened the bedroom door to find Savannah kneeling next Reid and helping him drink some water from a bottle. She turned and faced him. "I heard a bang and when I walked in, he was here."

Morgan watched Reid pull his leather jacket around his body, he listened to his friend's breathing hitch. "I-I heard what you said, I couldn't sleep even with the meds. Why did you give me your jacket?"

"You wouldn't let any of us see you in the hospital and I knew I couldn't stay, I wanted to give you something that would remind you I just want to keep you safe. You keep it on."

Reid's gaze flickered to Savannah before looking back down at the floor, Morgan looked to Savannah. "Thank you for taking care of him. Can you give us a little while alone? I think he doesn't want you to hear."

"When did he last eat something?"

"Kid, when did you last eat something?" he asked.

"At the coffee shop on Sunday, I had a muffin, I haven't felt hungry," Reid answered honestly.

"I'll fix him something to eat in my apartment, I have more food than you. I'll make sure it's smooth and soft. He should be in hospital, he told me he just had surgery yesterday."

"We'll talk about that later, some food would be great."

Savannah nodded and rose to her feet, she closed the apartment door gently leaving them both alone. Morgan sat down on the floor but didn't touch Reid. "Spencer, why did you come here? Why did you leave the hospital?"

"They all saw me as this broken thing and I don't want to be something broken. I want to be like all of you," he said quietly, his tears stopping as his face became a mask to hide behind.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm the weak one, Morgan. I screw up everything that I do and I can't do anything without getting hurt or getting all of you hurt. I fail at helping or protecting the people I love. I don't understand why he saw me the way he did."

In those last few words, Reid had confirmed what had happened in his own words. "Don't talk about it like it wasn't you being hurt," he said gently. "Kid, it's okay to let it out. You're not weak."

"I am!" Reid snapped before grabbing his head. "I wasn't strong enough for my father, he saw I was weak and so did Tobias, every unsub I've tried to face saw the weakness inside of me and they built themselves upon it. I even needed Garcia to protect me when I got shot."

"You've never been weak, all you've ever been is brave and loving. You got shot pushing Alex away from the gunfire, your father was the weak one when he left you and Tobias was weak for giving in to everything too easy. Sunday night does not make you any less of a man and it doesn't make you weak. You can't hide behind this wall of self loathing and anger because it will destroy you like it almost destroyed me. I'm here to listen and protect you. I failed the night you got attacked, I won't fail again."

Reid's breathing picked up, his chest heaved and his eyes began water with tears on the brim of his eyes. He looked to Morgan and shook his head. "He never stopped," he hiccupped. "I-I was-"

"Don't be afraid of the word, it's only a word, it doesn't define you."

Reid bit his lower lip before the dam inside him broke. "I was raped."

Morgan didn't say anything, no words needed between them at that moment. Denial had acted as Reid's shield for only so long, he knew that a shield like that could only protect you for so long. After that, all you wanted was someone to come and listen to you because keeping it inside hurt too much. He had suffered through Buford's abuse in silence for years, Reid didn't have to go through that.

"I w-was at my door, I had just opened it when he kicked me in the back, I hit the ground hard and didn't register what was happening until it was too late. I struggled, I tried to fight him but I wasn't strong enough. You have to believe me, Morgan, I didn't want it."

"Reid, he forced himself on you, I know you didn't want it," Morgan assured him. "Don't ever think this was your fault."

"He punched me in the face so much I could barely think when he started kicking and punching the rest of my body. I thought he was just robbing my apartment but I was wrong. He checked my satchel and found my badge. He seemed happy about it. After that, he grabbed my hair and dragged me to the bedroom floor."

Reid's voice hitched, his entire body began to shake as he retold the most horrible night of his life. "He tied a large cloth into my mouth so no-one would hear me scream."

"How come your neighbor didn't hear all the noise when he first attacked you?" Morgan asked.

"She's got a daughter that she's visiting, she wasn't home and my neighbor downstairs works late."

"You were all alone," Morgan said sadly.

"Once the cloth was in place, he pinned my wrists with one hand and used the other to pull down my trousers," Reid cried before beginning to rock back and forth. "I screamed and pleaded for him to stop but he just told me to stop struggling, he said it wouldn't hurt too much if I didn't struggle. I-I kept imagining that one of you would come and knock on my door and stop him but no-one came. No-one came to help me, I was alone with him and the only light was the moonlight as it came through my window. I was a prize, his treasure and he never stopped telling me that. I cried and then I screamed so loud when I-."

Reid coughed and shook his head.

"Reid, what happened?"

"When I felt him inside of me, there was so much pain. Morgan, he had no right, no-one is ever allowed to touch me there. He made me dirty."

Morgan slid over to Reid, he reached out his arms only for Reid to lean away. "Please don't touch me," Reid pleaded quietly. "I know you're just trying to comfort me but I don't want anyone to touch me."

"I'm sorry, it's just difficult seeing you like this. How long did it last?"

"About fifteen minutes," Reid sobbed. "For the first ten minutes, I screamed and fought but it didn't make any difference, he just became rougher. In the last five minutes, I didn't have the strength to struggle anymore so I laid there and waited for it to end. He used his head to press my head against the floor, I felt his breath on my ear and he kept telling me I was doing so well, that I was beautiful and such a prize. I laid there and took it till he finished, he gripped my wrists so tight when he finally finished. I can still feel him and I don't want to. Morgan, why did he come after me?"

"We think you were a victim of opportunity like all the other victims, the lack of equipment he carries around suggests that he finds a target, talks to them and sees if they fit his type. He follows them home and then, well, then attacks them. Did you talk to anyone at the coffee shop? Did anyone ask about your horoscope?"

Reid's eyes widened. "He had asked other people, I just thought he liked reading the horoscopes out. You know, like Garcia does sometimes in the morning. I-Is h-he the one who did this to me?"

"Yeah, kid," Morgan nodded. "We're going to catch him and make him pay."

A gentle knock came at the door, Morgan looked back to Savannah with a tray of food.

"There's more," Reid said.

* * *

Garcia almost tripped as she ran up to Morgan's apartment, the rest of the team would meet her there, she knocked on the door rapidly. Morgan opened the door and stepped aside. She tried to rush to the bedroom but Morgan grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "Baby girl, listen for a second. He's in a very fragile state, you can't touch him or push him to talk about it."

"What did he say to you?" she asked.

"He told me what happened and it's bad, Garcia. He was all alone with this bastard and what happened to him has affected him at such a deep level. You can see him but just don't touch him unless he says you can."

She nodded and walked past Morgan, she walked in to find Reid laying on his side and watching a police procedural show on television. He barely took any notice of her walking into the room. "Can I sit on the bed with you?"

Reid nodded and lifted himself up into a sitting position, he moaned and pressed his hand to his stomach, she almost put her hand out to comfort him but didn't, she was in the room with him and didn't want to scare him.

"Are you-" she tried to say before stopping. She knew he wasn't okay.

"I'm not okay," he said gently. "I don't know if I'll ever be okay. I don't want to talk about it again, it was easier with Morgan. I just can't talk to you about it."

"You know I'm always here for you," Garcia smiled before her eyes watered. "I'm so sorry."

"This wasn't your fault," he shook his head. "Can I be left alone? I'm sorry but I just can't do this."

"Please don't push me away," she said shakily. "I just want to help you."

"I know," he nodded. "I just can't pretend nothing happened but I also don't want to talk about it. I just need to be alone."

"Okay," Garcia said reluctantly. "I'll leave you alone but when you want something, you just call me. I'll be at your side before you can blink."

He didn't say anything back, instead choosing to lay back down. He listened as Garcia left the room as the rest of the team arrived.

* * *

Morgan and the team sat down in the living room, all of them finding somewhere to sit. Garcia came back into the room, her eyes red and tears running down her face. JJ rose up and then gently sat back down with Garcia by her side, she wrapped an arm around her friend. "Garcia, are you okay?"

Garcia looked to JJ and shook her head. "He's like a ghost version of himself, he just wants to be left alone. He won't let me touch him and all I want to do is hug him and tell him everything will be alright."

JJ consoled Garcia while Rossi began to talk. "How bad?"

"It's bad," Morgan sighed. "Reid was opening his door when he got kicked to the floor, he got beaten till he could barely focus and then dragged to the bedroom floor where he was gagged and then restrained. The rape lasted fifteen minutes, during that time the bastard taunted Reid and made him suffer. It was difficult to hear Reid talk about it, especially as during the attack, all he wanted was one of us to come and knock on his door. He just wanted one of us to save him."

"At least he's acknowledging that it happened," Hotch said before running a hand through his hair.

"There's more, Hotch. After the unsub finished, he brought out a syringe and injected Reid with something that knocked him out. It matches with the other victims, they were all cleaned of evidence, he knocks them out to make it quicker and easier to do so. The poor kid thinks it's his fault deep down because he thinks he's weak."

Before Morgan could say another word, a shattering sound came from the next apartment and Savannah's scream came though the air. "DEREK! FIRE!"

JJ and Morgan bolted through the door, Rossi and Hotch went to follow but heard the car's alarm blaring. Racing to the window, they looked down to see the SUV on fire. They rushed out of the door with Hotch calling for Rossi to grab a fire extinguisher.

* * *

Garcia came into the hall, she turned but felt her face explode with pain as a fist came across it. She hit the ground and couldn't stop her eyes closing.

* * *

Reid moaned as he rose up out of the bed, he heard the sound of alarms and smelled smoke in the air. He went over to the window, his eyes widened as he took in the sight of the SUV on fire.

"Hello, treasure."

He turned around and gasped as a needle was thrust into his neck, he was pushed to the bed as the drug entered his system, a gloved hand slamming over his mouth. He screamed weakly as his rapist stared at him. His eyes began to flutter and his scream turned into silence. Before he succumbed to the darkness, he felt hot lips on his ear. "Time to join the others."

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all enjoy it. Well, things are not going to go well so prepare yourselves for a bumpy ride. I have a great storyline all set out for this story which I'm excited to explore. Yes, the unsub grabbed back Spencer. I know I'm just evil. Sorry for the long wait for the chapters but like I said before, I can no longer promise when updates will be except I won't leave it longer than two weeks. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.  
**

**Thank you all so much for all the reviews, you're just incredible and I want to hug you all nice and tight, who doesn't want a hug from time to time? Thanks!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

JJ and Morgan coughed as they left the smoky apartment with Savannah, they had put out the fire but the room and outside hall had filled with smoke. Morgan went to rush to the apartment next door when he found Garcia on the floor unconscious with a bloody lip and bruised cheek. JJ quickly knelt next Garcia and tried to get to her wake up. He ran into his apartment and into his room but felt his heart race with panic when he saw his leather jacket on the floor all cut up. "Reid!" he yelled as he opened the cupboards but found nothing. His mind snapped alive as he connected everything. The fires were just a diversion.

"No!" he screamed as he thought of the idea being taken and hurt again.

* * *

Reid felt drowsy as he began to wake up, his eyes fluttered open to see a white ceiling, he felt something in his mouth and tried to talk but found his voice muffled. He opened his eyes all the way and tried to move, only to find that his arms tied to a headboard and each of his legs tied to a bed post. He shook his head and struggled to stay calm as he remembered the commotion at the apartment and then his attacker injecting him with something. More muffled sounds filled his ears but they didn't belong to him, he turned his head to see five other men tied down. They had all been beaten recently and he knew that they were victims of the same man whom had attacked him.

The door creaked open causing them all to look at it. Reid felt tears on the edge of his eyes as he watched a man walk into the room, no mask was on his face this time. It was the same man who had asked for his horoscope.

"You've all kept me very busy," the Unsub chuckled. "It wasn't easy to get you all. Number eight unfortunately escaped my grasp, he's still hidden behind a wall of guards, I don't really care, he wasn't a particularly good time. The only really difficult one to get was number seven. Number one never really made it after I was done with him."

The unsub walked over to Reid's bed and smirked. "I had to set a couple of fires to get you. Oh, I also knocked out a certain colorful blond on my way in."

Reid tugged against his restraints at the mention of Garcia, it had to be her.

"Now, gentleman. You're all my lovely little prizes. I've explored the wonderful things about you all and I'm very excited for this stage. My last companion died and now I need a new one. The question is which one of you will it be. The only way to find out is to try you all out again and pick, I have to be sure."

All of the men including Reid pulled against their restraints, muffled pleas and whimpering filling the air.

"I think I'm going to start with my favorite one so far," the unsub smirked before walking to Reid's bed. Reid shook his head and struggled frantically as the man reached the bed and straddled him. Tears fell down his cheeks as he felt hands travel over his hips. Shaking his head rapidly, he let out muffled pleas for the unsub to stop.

"Oh, Spencer. My dear, little Spencer. This isn't something you should be afraid of, if I choose you at the end of this, we'll settle down here and I won't have to just be part of your dreams, I'll be part of your life. Now, behave and don't fight me. It'll only hurt more."

Reid let out a muffled scream as the unsub began to yank his trousers down and press down on his body.

* * *

"We let this happen," Morgan shook his head as he thought about what could be happening to Reid while they tried to find him. "We should have known!"

"Blaming ourselves now isn't going to help," Hotch snapped, feeling himself guilty for letting his youngest member be kidnapped again. They had the name of the unsub after Kevin had rushed it to them but struggled to find him. Garcia now had a concussion and was under observation in the hospital. She had dismissed all the team and told them to stop worrying about her and to find Reid.

Nick Norton, the bastard who had caused so much pain. The man on all their lists to hurt.

"He has no active bank accounts, no permanent residence listed," JJ said, frustration running through her. "It's like he barely exists. How the hell did he grab all the men without us knowing?"

"The case was only recently connected," Rossi explained. "The police didn't think the unsub would return to his victims again. The one that had protection was Matt Johnson because he is still in hospital. At all the abductions sights, there were multiple fires. He used them as a way to get to his victims."

"I can't imagine how scared he was," JJ said shakily as she thought about Reid.

Kevin rushed into the room. "I think I have something."

* * *

Reid could hear the unsub assaulting another man but kept his eyes closed, he sobbed silently as he heard the muffled screams. An echo of his own screams from an hour ago. The unsub had redressed him but he still felt the blood. He still felt the horrible pain of the bastard violating him again. He didn't tug against his restraints, the strong part of him that had decided to confide in Morgan had disappeared. All that remained was a broken version of himself. He heard the victim's whimpering taper off to nothing and the unsub let out a chuckle.

"Two down, four to go," the man sighed happily. "Be back soon."

Reid flinched as the door slammed when the unsub left, he began to sob again as he remembered the unsub's words whispered to him during his second assault.

_'Don't worry, I've already chosen. The others are simply just for fun, you're my new companion and soon, we'll have some real fun.'_

He felt used and disgusting, every inch of him felt like it didn't belong to him anymore, it belonged to the man whom had tied him down and invaded his body, his life and his soul. As his tears slid to the edge of his dry and split lips, he tasted the weakness inside of him.

He knew the truth, no matter what anyone else told him. He was weak and he always had been.

* * *

Kevin had managed to track Norton through his sister. Norton's sister was very wealthy and owned various properties in a few states, they had called her and she had told them that her brother lived off the grid, he was completely self-sufficient. They had withheld information from her as they didn't want her to contact him in any way. She had given him a rundown cottage as a birthday gift and he had set himself up there, it was just outside of Virginia.

Within minutes, they were heading to the cottage where they hoped Reid would be.

"Do you think he's even alive?" JJ asked Morgan.

"I have to believe that he is. If he isn't, I'll kill Norton slowly and painfully."

* * *

Reid opened his eyes when the unsub marched back in with a grin, he walked over to the third bed down and smiled. "Hello, number five. Ready for your turn?"

He turned his head away again, he couldn't watch another man be raped. As the chosen victim started to let out muffled pleas, a smash filled the room as the door to it got kicked in. "FBI, don't move."

* * *

Morgan rushed into the room and aimed his gun at the bastard who had abused his friend. "FBI, don't move."

"No," Nick Norton shook his head. "No-one is ruining this for me."

Morgan's finger hit the trigger as Norton tried to bring something up from the bed, the bullet entered his shoulder sending him to the floor, his hand clutching his wounded shoulder. "You son of a bitch."

Hotch came in behind with Rossi, he grabbed Morgan before he could rush forward to Norton. "Morgan, I'll deal with him and we'll both deal with him at the station. Reid needs you now, go to him."

Morgan brought his gun down and took a shaky breath, he shoved his gun back in its holster and rushed to the furthest bed in the room. His heart broke as he saw fresh blood down his friend's trousers. One dark brown eye looked at him while the other eye stay shut due to the swelling. Rushing to the ropes, he quickly untied them. "Reid, talk to me. You're safe now. I need you to talk to me."

He didn't expect what happened next, Reid came forward and shoved him back, sending him off-balance and to the floor. "Stay away from me," Reid snarled, his eyes blazing with anger and sadness. Rossi came into the room and over to them. Morgan rose back to his feet and tried to stop Reid as he got up from the bed.

"You're hurt, Reid, you need to stay still till the medics get here," Rossi said as he gently took Reid's shoulders. Reid began to fight against them, throwing his hands at them.

"Get off me! You lying bastards, get off me!" Reid screeched.

Morgan and Rossi tried to keep Reid still but he kept on hitting out at them, a young medic rushed in and quickly pressed a needle into his arm. They watched as he stopped fighting and closed his eyes, he fell into Morgan's arms and his head came to rest on Morgan's chest.

"I'll get a backboard in here," the medic said as she brought out a blanket, Rossi helped her wrap it around Reid's body.

"No, I want him out of here," Morgan shook his head. "I'll carry him out."

Morgan carried him to the ambulance, past the rest of the team who were helping the other victims. He climbed in with Reid in his arms and placed him on the bed inside. Another paramedic began to attend to Reid.

The paramedic who had sedated Reid climbed in and hit the inside of the ambulance. "Jerry, get moving."

"More medics are on the way," the female paramedic explained to Morgan as she turned to her colleague. "I had to sedate him."

"Just help him, please," Morgan said gently. He took Reid's hand. "I'm so sorry, kid."

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	6. Chapter 6

**And here is the next chapter...**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan held Reid's hand as he sat next to the hospital bed, nine hours had passed since he had found him tied to a bed, violated and in shock. His eyes burned to get some sleep but he shook away the feeling. Only three hours ago, he had almost been thrown out of the room for an angry outburst, ten minutes of crying had followed after. He knew that most Hollywood movies try to portray that alpha men don't cry, it was a lie, he had struggled not to cry more than he had. Crying wouldn't help him help Reid get better. Morgan was steeling himself for the broken side of his friend he was about to face, the same side that had screamed at him back at house. Hotch and Rossi were interviewing Nick Norton while he was in another hospital, Garcia would be by in a few hours after getting some sleep and JJ was helping the local police deal with all media and with helping the victims. A faint smile came to his face as he pictured JJ switching from Profiler to Media Liason again.

"Why are you here?" Reid's voice quietly came from the bed. Morgan looked up to see Reid's good eye staring at him, anger and pain pulsing through it.

"Where else would I be?" Morgan said. He couldn't help but feel hurt as Reid ripped his hand away and slid it under the blanket the hospital had provided. Reid had turned away from him and looked at the other wall. "Kid, look at me."

The usually talkative and fact filled Reid stayed silent, scarred by the events that had passed.

"I know why you're angry and I don't blame you for being angry. I promised that I would protect and I failed a second time and because I failed, he raped you again. I don't know if I have the right words to say to you. I didn't know he would come back for you, it wasn't in the profile. I found my jacket slashed up on the floor, I guess he didn't like you wearing it. Reid, you trusted me before and I need you to do that again. I'm so sorry that I didn't protect you and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life helping you and trying to make up for my failure. I can't begin to imagine how scared you were but I'm here, I'll always be here as your friend and as your brother. I don't want you to push us all away. Please, trust me again and talk to me," Morgan said sadly. "To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

Reid turned his head slowly to face Morgan. "How do you know that quote?"

Morgan smiled gently. "It's from George McDonald, the Scottish author and poet. You quoted him and spoke about how he influenced Tolkien and mentored Lewis Carroll. I'm always listening, kid."

He watched as Reid's bottom lip quivered. "I am angry at you and the team but I'm also angry at myself."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was first to get raped again because I'm his favorite," Reid cried. "He made the others watch while he violated me, he whispered in my ear during the assault, he whispered a lot of things but I know why he liked me the most. The others struggled against him to the end when they got raped, they never stopped fighting him."

A heavy sob came through him. "Morgan, I'm his favorite because I gave up ten minutes into the first attack, I laid there and let him make me feel dirty. Where were you? He came into my room and stabbed a needle into my neck, his put me against the bed and put his hand over my mouth till I was asleep. Why didn't you come sooner to the house in the woods? He-He smiled at me the whole time. That damn sadistic smile."

Morgan stayed silent for a few seconds as he digested Reid's words.

"Where were you?!" Reid cried before closing his eyes and leaning into his pillow. Morgan couldn't hold back anymore, he quickly rose from his seat and sat on the edge of the bed, he put his arms around Reid and didn't let go even when his friend began to struggle. "No, Morgan, get off me!"

"No," Morgan shook his head. "It's okay to cry and to be angry at me but I need to do this and you need this too. He has made you afraid of human contact, the same contact that makes us all feel safe when we're upset and afraid. I'm never going to hurt you. It's just me."

Reid stopped struggling after a few seconds and leaned against Morgan, his breathing hitched for a second as he became more upset. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry," Morgan cried gently. "I'm so sorry. I should have known it was him, I'm sorry."

Morgan rocked back and forth with Reid in his arms, they stayed like that for nearly an hour before Reid's sobbing stopped and got replaced with gentle breathing. Morgan brought him away to see that he cried himself to sleep. Carefully, he laid Reid back against the pillow and covered him with a blanket. He wiped his own face, wiping away the tear stains down his own cheeks. He quickly composed himself as the door opened and JJ walked in.

"Morgan, you look like hell, what happened?"

"He woke up," Morgan explained. "He's more broken than before but he took a step in the right direction. JJ, the bastard hurt him first, he hurt him because he made Reid his favorite."

"Why is Spence his favorite?"

"He made Reid his favorite because he thought he was the weakest."

Morgan made his way over to the door. "Stay with him and don't leave him alone for a second."

"Where are you going?" JJ asked.

"To sort that bastard out."

Morgan rushed down the corridor and down the stairs, JJ watched helplessly before opening her phone up. As she waited for Hotch to answer his phone, she went over to the bed and placed her hand over Reid's, she felt almost overwhelmed by the joy she felt at being able to touch and comfort her friend.

* * *

Morgan kept a tight grip on the steering wheel as he made his way down a street, he went to turn but frowned as his SUV cut out, he guided it to a nearby curb where it stopped. "What the hell?"

He picked up his cellphone as it rang. "Hello."

"I'm sorry but I can't let you come to the hospital," Hotch said, his voice sounded strange, different from its usual stoic tone. "Your car won't start again till I tell Garcia to turn it back on."

"How the hell did you turn off the car?" Morgan said in confusion.

"The SUV has the latest technology in, including a chip to immobilize it if it fell into the wrong hands. I had Garcia hack into the software and turn off your car. I'm sorry but you're too close to this. You need to go back and stay with Reid. You're the best chance we have of helping him."

"You don't even sound angry that he raped Reid again, the son of a bitch raped him because he thought Reid is the weakest out of his victims. How can you stand there and be so calm?" Morgan shouted

"You think I'm calm," Hotch growled down the phone. "I want to do what I did to Foyet to this son of a bitch, I'd like nothing more than to make him pay with my own fists but I can't. You really want to give him an easy way out? He needs to suffer for what he did and if you come here and beat him to death, he won't suffer. I'm going to have Garcia turn the car back on but I want you to go back to the hospital. Reid's in a vulnerable place and I don't know how he is going to cope with everything that has happened. We both know that Reid has already gone through a tremendous amount in his life, I don't want this to become the one thing that breaks him."

Morgan couldn't help getting upset. "He wanted us to save him both times he got assaulted but we didn't save him. It's not fair, Hotch. He doesn't deserve this."

"Morgan, go back to the hospital, I think it's best if you stay with Reid, for both your sakes.

* * *

_Reid opened his eyes and found himself sitting at his BAU desk, he looked up to see his team and every member of the BAU bullpen pointing at him, they all began to laugh hysterically. Getting up, he knocked over his chair and shook his head. "Stop laughing, why are you laughing?!"_

_"This is ridiculous," Morgan chuckled. "You only got into the BAU because of little old Gideon, you are so weak that you had to piggyback a ride into the BAU with him. You can't do anything right."_

_Garcia snorted with laughter. "How is that supposed to protect anything? How will he ever look after Henry?"_

_Hotch walked up to him and patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Reid, but we have to let you go. I can't have someone who lets himself be raped twice stay on this team. We're strong and nothing can beat us with you gone."_

_"No, I didn't want it," Reid cried. "Please, Hotch, don't make me resign."_

_"Why would I need you to resign? You already did the deed, you saved us a lot of paperwork," Hotch smiled._

_"What deed?" Reid questioned._

_JJ came forward and took his arms, she lifted them up to show two large cuts down his arm with blood pouring out of them, red drops slowly dripping from his fingers. He panicked and looked at the team. "Save me, please just save me. I didn't do this. I didn't want to do this. Oh, God! Please help me."_

_"I'll help you, my little treasure," a voice came from behind him. He screamed as a hand clamped over his mouth and dragged him backwards into a dark pit._

* * *

Morgan walked down the corridor of the hospital as he made his way back to Reid's room, he turned the corner but felt pure fear as a horrific scream came from his friend's room. He rushed into the room to find JJ trying to wake a screaming and thrashing Reid.

"NO! Stop it," Reid screamed, tears running down his face. "JJ, don't let me die!"

"Kid, wake up," Morgan yelled. He gave Reid a shake and felt immense relief as Reid opened his eyes. JJ tried to hug Reid but he pushed both of them away.

"You want me to die," Reid cried. "You want me to die because I'm weak."

JJ stepped forward and shook her head. "Why would you ever think that? You're not weak, you're wonderful and strong. You had a nightmare."

"You all laughed at me," Reid coughed as he began to shake. "None of you want me anymore, you just stood there and laughed at the cuts on my wrists. There was so much blood and then he grabbed me, he dragged me back and shoved me to the ground. You all just laughed."

JJ gently put her hand on his shoulder, she felt him tense under her touch. "It was a nightmare, sweetie. Please, let us help you. I'm going to put my arms around you, I'm not going to hurt you."

JJ sat on the edge of the bed while Reid stared at the wall, almost catatonic. She wrapped her arms around him and rested his head against her chest, he was tense in her arms and just continued to stare at the wall, every time he blinked brought more tears down his cheeks. JJ let herself cry as she rocked him gently. "We love you and we will never leave your side, I'm so sorry this happened to you, you're not weak Spence. I chose you as Henry's godfather for a reason. I chose you because I needed someone strong, smart and full of wisdom to take care of him."

"Then you chose the wrong person to name as his godfather, I'm nothing but a drug addict and a whore," Reid whispered before pulling himself out of her hug and laying on his side. "I want to be alone."

* * *

Hotch stared into the room that held Nick Norton, he had received a call from the hospital from JJ, Reid had kicked them out of his hospital room and the doctors had ordered a psychiatric evaluation as they feared Reid was contemplating suicide. He tightened his fists as he remembered rushing into the room where Reid was, he had seen the blood down his trousers and known they were too late.

Rossi came to his side. "Hotch, he'll make it through this. Reid is a strong man, he'll survive this."

"JJ told me that he had a dream, he had cuts his wrists and we had called him weak while laughing at him. This has done so much damage to his already fragile mind. For the first time, I don't know if he'll really make it through this."

"Are you ready to do this?"

Hotch stared at the bastard inside the room. "No, but I need to know the truth about a few things."

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. Short intro as I'm in a rush. Thank you for reading this and prepare yourselves for a bumpy ride! Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.  
**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you're wonderful and I cherish them all. Thanks!**

**Enjoy and please review**

Hotch walked into the interrogation room, forcing himself to resist beating the living hell out of Nick Norton. He took his seat at the table and noticed the way Norton tugged at the cuffs. "You're not going anywhere anytime soon, Norton."

"You ruined everything," Norton seethed. "Everything was going to plan and you just had to take them away, you had to take him away."

"Are you referring to Spencer Reid?"

"He's the one, the most compatible of my October choices, we would have been wonderful."

"I want to know why you did this. The men you kidnapped," Hotch began before Norton interrupted.

"You mean the men I auditioned."

Hotch felt the rage build inside of him as he listened to Norton's choice of words. Carefully, he brought back his stoic composure. "The men you kidnapped all gave statements, all of them said you were looking for a companion and that your first victim didn't last long."

"He didn't last long, he was the first I auditioned to become my new companion but he was weak and his heart gave out during the audition. That just wasn't good enough. I already knew my future companion was Spencer."

"How did you know?"

"He stopped struggling near the end of his first audition, I loved the way he wanted to be dominated. Everything about him is just so appealing. When I auditioned him the second time, I knew I had my answer. The others were just for fun. Why waste a good time?"

"You have raped a federal agent twice, kidnapped him and beaten him. You've damaged a good man's life as well as the lives of the other men that you raped."

"I did it all because it was necessary," Norton snapped. "It's horrible being alone, my last companion was wonderful, it was a shame when he passed away."

"Did you kill him?" Hotch questioned.

"No, he died from a snake bite, I tried to treat it but I couldn't save him. I couldn't call for help either. He had actually learned to truly love me. I hope Spencer is the same. We'll be so happy when I get him back. We will be wonderful."

"You are never touching or seeing Spencer Reid again," Hotch growled in a low voice, the first signs of losing control showing. "I will put a bullet in your head before I let you near him again."

Norton began to thrash in his chair, pulling against the handcuffs. "I WILL GET HIM BACK! HE WILL BE MINE!"

* * *

Reid laid on the hospital bed, feeling empty and disgusting, every part of him crawled with Norton's smell and touch. He thought he would feel better knowing his name but he didn't. Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he remembered screaming during the attack. The doctors had finished their assessment of him, he already knew the answers. He could hear Garcia and JJ talking outside his room, it was late and the ward was mostly quiet. As he laid there, only illuminated by the dim light that filled the room, he wondered what he had done to deserve so much pain. His mind began a battle of ethics, philosophies and dark thoughts. He brought his hands to his head and held his hair. He had only ever wanted to help people and that was all he had ever done. He didn't deserve this so why had it happened. Gently, he rose from his bed and unhooked all the monitors and IV's, careful to turn off the heart monitor before the alarm could sound. His bare feet found the cold hospital floor. A pained moan came through him as he walked towards the door. As he opened it and stepped out, he heard two gasps.

Garcia and JJ rushed to his side. "Reid, you need to go back to bed and rest," JJ said gently.

"I'm going home," Reid shook his head before taking more steps, he grabbed the nurse's desk to steady himself. Garcia came and stood in front of him.

"Sweetie, you're in a lot of pain and your body needs more time to heal. You can go home when the doctor gives the okay."

"Don't tell me where I can and can't go," Reid snapped angrily. "I can go home when I want!"

"Spencer!" Dr Howard shouted as she rushed down the hallway. "What on earth are you doing out of bed?"

"I'm going home, I want to sign out against medical advice," Reid said. "I'm not staying here any longer."

"I have to insist that you do stay here, Spencer. You left the hospital after having surgery, a surgery which you are still healing from. You've been through something terrible and you need to let your body to heal."

"I'm going home," Reid almost yelled.

"I'm sorry but you're a not mentally fit to make that decision, all your medical decisions will now be made by Aaron Hotchner, your medical proxy. Please, Spencer," Dr Howard said as calmly as she could as two male nurses approached and stood by her. "Please return to your room and get back in bed. I don't want to use force but I will if I have no other choice."

"Please do what she's asking," Garcia pleaded.

"You can't do this," he growled. "This is wrong, I'm not mentally unfit, I'm fine! I'm going home and I don't care what any of you say."

"I'm sorry," Dr Howard sighed sadly. The two male nurses grabbed Reid as Dr Howard fetched a syringe and a vial, she filled the syringe before walking over to Reid.

"Don't you dare, don't you dare," Reid cried before she lifted up his short sleeve and jabbed the needle into his arm, she pushed the plunger and he felt the effects instantly. The world became hazy as he lost control of his limbs, he fell against the nurses. He barely registered them pulling him back to his bed and laying him down on it.

"Should we restrain him?" one of the nurses asked.

"No, are you insane?" JJ snapped. "He was tied down and raped before he came here. You'll damage his mind even further."

Morgan came into the room with a box and cup of coffee in his hand, something he'd been forced to go and get after he had gone dizzy. He could barely remember the last time he had eaten before finding out Reid had been attacked. "Care to explain what the hell is going on?" he said as he looked at them all.

* * *

Rossi walked into the bathroom looking for Hotch, he heard someone being sick in one of the cubicles. "Hotch, is that you?"

The answer came a few moments later when Hotch stepped out of the cubicle and wiped his mouth with a tissue. Rossi saw how pale he was. "Are you sick?"

"No, it's just," Hotch began before stopping.

"I won't tell anyone about what you're about to say, I know it's about Reid."

Hotch sighed. "I've seen some of the worst things imaginable. I've seen dead children, murder, suicides and so much more and I've never been sick. I was reading all the statements from the other men that were with Reid. They each described the second attack on Reid, they said that Reid screamed and cried until Norton whispered something in his ear. The others said that while he still struggled, it was like something had snapped inside of him. The estimate is that the second attack lasted about ten minutes."

Rossi waited as Hotch took a deep breath and continued. "In the space of a few days, he's been raped twice and we didn't protect him. We promised that we would and we didn't. I know we had no way of knowing Norton would attack so soon and take him. When I look at Reid, I still see him as the kid of the group, he's proved himself in so many ways but there is something about him that you can't help but feel drawn to. You seek friendship with him. When I look at him now, I see a lost man who has had the most personal part of himself just ripped away. He wants to push us away and I'm scared."

"It's not like you to be scared," Rossi said sympathetically.

"Rossi, we both know that Reid is one of the biggest parts of this family we've created as a team. The girls look out for him, Morgan sees him as a little brother and we both see him a son. Someone who needs guidance and help. I'm scared that this is the last straw and he going to go down a dark path. We both know how dark that path could get. I read the descriptions of what Norton did to him and some of them were vivid. I got sick because I imagined Reid tied to bed and being forced into a disgusting act. I want to protect him but it's too late."

"It's not too late to protect him, Hotch."

"What do you mean?"

"Reid's memory is both a blessing and a curse but at this time, it's a damn curse. He'll remember every detail of what happened to him. We may have not protected him from Norton in time but we can protect him from himself. No matter what happens, we can't leave him to do this alone. We have to protect him from himself and show him the way to getting his life back to normal."

"Do you think his life will ever be normal again?"

"I don't know," Rossi admitted. "We won't know though unless we try to get him back to normal."

* * *

_His cheek rubbed against the floor, soaking his cheek in the tears that had spilled down them. He let out a muffled whine as a hand ran through his hair. "You're so special," Norton whispered in his ear. "I'm almost there."_

_A fresh wave of fear and pain ran through him as Norton bit his ear._

* * *

Morgan immediately looked up from his phone as he heard Reid whimpering and moaning in his sleep, he walked to the bed and put his hand on Reid's shoulder. "Kid, it's okay. It's just a nightmare."

Reid's eyes sluggishly opened. "Go away."

"I'm not going away. I'm going to stay here. I'm sorry they drugged you."

"He drugged me too," Reid moaned before rolling to his side. "He sat on my hips and shoved a needle into my arm even though I pleaded him not to. I just want to go home. I don't want to be here."

Morgan watched the despair in Reid's eyes, his pupils were still dilated from the drug he had been given.

"No-one cares about me, Morgan."

"We care about you. Don't ever think that we don't."

Reid stayed silent and slowly curled himself into a semi ball, Morgan sighed at the despair his friend was feeling, he knew the doctors were considering keeping Reid in a psychiatric unit to treat his trauma. He stormed out to the nurse's desk. "Get me Dr Howard, now."

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	8. Chapter 8

**And here is the next chapter...**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan gently lifted Reid into a wheelchair, making sure to keep him covered with a blanket. Reid was still very sluggish from being sedated and fell in and out of sleep every few minutes. Hotch had come and given him permission to take Reid out of the hospital. The doctors had argued with him but Morgan knew Hotch wouldn't let them win this battle. Garcia came into the room and gave him a sad smile. "How's he doing?"

"He was given a powerful sedative so he's still a little out of it," Morgan answered. "I just want to get him out of the hospital before he regains proper consciousness."

"Why are we taking him back to his apartment? Surely it would be better to take him somewhere other than the first place he got attacked."

Morgan sighed. "Baby girl, he wants to go home and I'm not going to argue with him. I'll take him home and if he starts to freak out or wants to leave, we'll be out of their quicker than Reid can recite Shakespeare. Forensics and the CSI's finished with his apartment. JJ and Rossi have gone to make sure everything gets stocked and everything gets cleaned."

Garcia looked at Morgan and knew something else was bothering him. "Derek, what else is wrong? I can see it in your eyes."

Morgan stopped packing away and looked at her. "I don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"I don't understand why Reid lied to us on Monday Morning," Morgan explained. "He said he was sick and that was a lie. We're his team, his family, and he didn't trust us enough to tell us. He woke up and he was all alone. I know from experience that it's painful to try to cope with being hurt on your own."

Garcia rushed to him and put her arms around him, feeling Morgan's arms around her only seconds later. "We know now, we'll help him get better."

* * *

Reid woke up and no longer felt drowsy, he opened his eyes and recognized his surroundings as his bedroom. He looked to the door as Garcia walked in with a jug of ice water and cup. "Oh, Reid. You're awake."

"I'm at my apartment," Reid said gently, still failing to have any energy.

"Morgan couldn't stand seeing you unhappy so he got Hotch to have you released. You need to stay on bed rest for a while but the doctor said you should make a full recovery. I brought some water for you and I'll go and get your medication."

"What medication?"

Garcia placed the ice water and glass on the side and rushed out of the room, she came back with three bottles of medication. "You have some painkillers, antibiotics and antidepressants. You need to take some of them now."

"I'll take the antibiotics but I don't want the antidepressants or the painkillers," Reid said.

"Reid, the doctor really wants you to take the antidepressants," Garcia gently urged.

"Well I don't," Reid snapped. "That stupid doctor thinks that giving me a pill to make me feel happy will make me feel so much better about being held down and violated."

Silence filled the room until Garcia stepped forward with the pills, she opened up the antibiotics and took two out. She filled a glass with ice water and then gave it to Spencer. "I won't make you take anything you don't want to take."

Spencer took the pills and swallowed them, then gulped down the entire glass of water. Garcia took the glass and placed it on the bedside table. She pressed her lips together nervously. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel better now that I'm home but I'd prefer if I was alone."

"Why do you always want to be alone?" Garcia asked sadly. "I mean, we're here and ready to help you."

"You didn't help me when they injected me with the sedative," he growled. "I didn't want it and yet you still let her shove it in my arm. Norton shoved a needle into my arm and sent me to sleep, a sleep that I thought I'd never wake up from. I just want to be alone."

* * *

Garcia felt her eyes burn with tears, she quickly left the room after grabbing the pills and closed the door. JJ saw her as she made her way to the bathroom.

"Garcia, what's wrong?"

JJ followed her into the bathroom and immediately held her friend as she began to cry. She placed Garcia on the edge of the bath and held her.

"He's just so angry," Garcia cried. "He hates us because we let the doctor inject him with a sedative because Norton did the same thing. All he wants to be is alone. I want the old Reid back but he's buried so far down that I don't know if we'll ever get him back. He's in so much pain both physically and mentally and there is nothing I can do to help him."

Garcia leaned into JJ and sobbed. "Garcia, the journey ahead isn't an easy one and need to prepare ourselves for Spence pushing us away and being angry. He has every right to be angry but he will direct it at the wrong people. Norton has stripped away part of Spence that we need to help Spence find again. It's okay to cry though, this isn't easy on any of us."

Morgan walked into the room with Rossi to see Garcia crying, they both went to the bedroom only to find Reid asleep.

* * *

_Reid laid in the hotel room, feeling exhausted from the recent case, he slipped off his shoes and laid down on the bed. Morgan was finishing some paper work of the other bed. He turned on his side and screamed as Norton was laid next to him._

_"Morgan," he screamed as he tried to scramble away. Norton grabbed him and pinned him on his stomach on the bed, rope appeared from nowhere and strapped his hands to the bed. "Morgan, help me!"_

_"I'm busy, kid," Morgan sighed. "You'll have to deal with it alone."_

_Norton had already ripped away his trousers, he let out another scream as his boxers slid down his legs. "No, please," he cried. "Not again."_

_"I'm here, Spencer," Norton smiled happily before unzipping his pants. "I'll always be here for you, it's a shame your team is just too busy for you. They were very busy when I took my prize from you."_

_Reid screamed as Norton violated him, a piece of tape appeared over his mouth muffling his pleas for Morgan to save him. He watched as Morgan rose from the bed and walked to the door. "Enjoy yourself, kid."_

* * *

A fear laced scream filled the apartment causing Morgan to drop his cup of coffee, he ran into the bedroom to find Reid screaming and crying in his sleep. Grabbing Reid's shoulders, he began to shake them. "Kid, wake up."

Reid screeched again. "SPENCER, WAKE UP!"

Morgan grabbed Reid as he jolted up, hands began to hit out at him. "Get off me."

"It's just me," Morgan tried to soothe. "It's just me, it's Morgan."

"Get out of my apartment," Reid snapped suddenly.

"What?"

"I want you all out of my apartment. I don't want any of your help and I don't want to see any of you. Get out!"

"We're not going anywhere," Morgan shook his head.

"If you don't get out of my apartment, I am calling the cops and having you forcibly removed. I don't want you or the team anywhere near me."

"Why are you doing this to us?" Morgan snapped. "All we want to do is help you."

"You are all poison," Reid yelled. "All of you have hurt me and I don't want you here. You're nothing but a lying bastard, you preach about being a big brother and about protecting me but you're a shallow man who doesn't care about anything but himself. As long as you feel blameless, you can swan through life. You let him get me again, I was all alone in that bedroom and he smiled as he put his hand over my mouth. It's all of your faults that he raped me again. I will never forgive any of you for letting him kidnap and rape me again. GET OUT!"

* * *

Reid sat against his front door, ignoring the aches and pains around his body, he had kicked the team out of his apartment. He lightly touched his swollen eye and bruised face. As he lifted his head, his caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Fueled purely by the anger and self-loathing that came through his veins within seconds, he ignored his pain and grabbed the small mirror. He dragged it to the bathroom and smashed it down into the bathtub. Limping through the apartment, he found every mirror he had and smashed them into the bathtub, he came to last mirror he had but stopped before he smashed it.

Around the small mirror was a border that had little race cars and books stuck on it, he slid down the bathroom wall and grabbed some nearby soap. The anger inside dulled slightly as he looked at the mirror, the one mirror he could never smash. Henry had made this for him on his last birthday. He grabbed some soap and smeared it across it the small mirror. He would never destroy the mirror but he couldn't face looking at himself in it.

He didn't look up as his house phone began to ring, he let the voice mail pick it up.

"Spencer, it's Hotch. I know you don't want us with you but don't expect us to leave you alone. I can't begin to understand what you are going through. I just want you to know that one of us will be by to check on you everyday till you want to see us again. If we don't have an answer from you when we come to check on you, we will break down the door. We have your pain killers and anti-depressant medication too, we'll be dropping some off at least twice a day. We're trusting you with the antibiotics. We do trust you but with your mind the way it is, I can't leave you with the other medications. You're on medical leave from now on. We are always here and you can ask us to come to you at any time of day. We're your family."

"I don't know if you are anymore," Reid whispered before dragging himself back to his bed. He put the mirror on the bedside table and curled up on the bed. As he laid there, he listened to the outside world.

And wondered if he could ever step out into it again.

**Please review**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, everyone. Here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all enjoy it. I just want to thank you for all for being patient with me, I hope to feel better soon and get back to my old self. I'm slowly getting there although tonight I've had a rather unfortunate dye job. I have blond roots the rest has gone ginger. Hello, chocolate-brown dye. The next two chapters touch on some very dark issues so I will put up warnings. Being attacked has affected Reid very deeply and he does not handle the after effects well. Read and you'll see. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you.  
**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you're wonderful and very patient when it comes to waiting for updates. Thanks!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Three weeks later**

Reid sat on his couch with a sense of emptiness inside of himself. For the last three weeks, he had stayed inside the apartment. His only contact with the outside world was his neighbors nephew. He paid the young man to bring his mail up to him every day. The team had checked on him every day but he had not spoken to them. He simply knocked twice on a hard surface to let them know that he was still conscious and alive while they left the pills he took outside his door. He stared at the TV but had no idea what was actually being shown on it. His mind focused on Norton, the men who had seen him being raped and the pain of the two attacks. The world outside his apartment was a dangerous place and he no longer wanted to take part in any of it. Food could be delivered and there wasn't anything these days he couldn't buy online. Reid jumped as his house phone began to ring and stayed tensed until the ringing stopped and his voice mail picked up the call.

"Reid, it's Garcia. I'm just calling to check on you and to see if you need anything. I left some baskets outside your door. I hope you got them."

His gaze traveled to the baskets on his table before looking back down at his blanket.

"Sweetie, I know you are going through a rough and horrible time but you need to talk to us. I mean, we have haven't seen you in weeks and we're all worried about you. There was a Doctor Who convention last week. I didn't go though. As a companion, I didn't have my doctor to escort me. We just want to see you and make sure that you're not sitting in the dark thinking about that bastard. You won't pick up our calls or answer my email and I don't know how to handle this, Reid. You're my friend and I can't stand by your side and help you because you won't let me."

He listened as Garcia went to talk again but Henry's voice came in the background. "Garcia, are you talking to Uncle Spence?" Henry's voice came down the line. Reid looked at the handset next to him.

"I'm just leaving him a message honey," Garcia said to Henry. "Here, you take the phone and say hello while I go help your mom."

As Reid heard a shuffle due to the phone changing hands, he grabbed the handset and pressed the answer button as Henry began talking.

"Henry, it's Uncle Spence."

"Uncle Spence!" Henry said happily down the phone.

"Hey, buddy," Reid said down the phone. "It's good to hear your voice. Have you been a good boy at school and for your mommy?"

"I got a gold star at school and mommy took me for ice cream because she was, um, I can't remember the word."

"Proud. I bet she was proud."

"That's it," Henry beamed down the phone before his voice got sadder. "Uncle Spence, can you come here soon? Mommy is sad when she talks with Daddy about you. I really want you to come over and play. I got lots of new Lego we can build."

Reid felt a tear run down his cheek. He pressed his lips together and took a shaky breath. "Henry, I can't come and play with you. At least, not yet. I know your mommy told you that I got into an accident. I can't leave my home because of the accident. I know mommy is sad but she'll be happier soon."

"What if I come to you and play? I'll bring all my new Lego. Please, Uncle Spence."

Something about Henry's voice made him unable to say no. "Okay but your mommy and daddy can't play with us. They can drop you off and then we'll have the afternoon to play with your Lego and watch a movie."

"You're the best, Uncle Spence!"

* * *

JJ sat with Garcia in the kitchen and couldn't stop cleaning items around her. Ever since the night they had left Reid alone, she felt the compulsive need to keep herself busy and keep her mind away from the dark thoughts she had. Garcia reached out and held her hand. "I know it's difficult but we have to give it time. We can't force him to see us."

JJ looked into Garcia's eyes. "All I think about is him sitting alone with no-one there to hold him or look after him. Does he have enough food in his fridge? Has he hurt himself? Is he having more nightmares? All these questions and I don't have an answer to any of them."

JJ wiped tears from her cheek as Henry came running into the kitchen. He passed Garcia back her phone and smiled at them. "Mommy, can you take me to see Uncle Spence on Friday? He said I could come over."

Both women sat in shock for a few seconds. "Wait," JJ spoke. "You spoke with Spence."

Henry nodded. "He said that you could drop me off on Friday and then we'd play with my Lego and watch a movie. Mommy, he's sad."

"Why do you say that?"

"I can tell," Henry sighed.

* * *

_Reid jolted up in his bed with his limbs tangled in his sheets and sweat soaking his shirt. He panted as he wiped a hand over his face. As he threw away the covers; he struggled to regain control over himself. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the taps. A rush of soothing cold water came from them. Reid splashed his face. He relished the soothing comfort of the cold against his warm skin._

_"You look so good bent over that sink."_

_He whipped round to find Norton smirking at him from the other side of the room. He rushed for the door but it slammed shut in front of him before he could escape. Fear overwhelmed him as he backed himself into a corner. His breathing becoming faster and faster. Norton began to walk over to the corner while unzipping his jeans "No, please. You already hurt me. Why are you doing this to me?"_

_"I'm doing this because you're my favorite."_

* * *

Reid opened his eyes to see a dark ceiling above him. Quickly, he switched on his lamp and searched the shadows of his room for any sign of Norton lurking within them. Despair shrouded his mind as he collapsed back his bed. While the rest of the world slept, he wept.

* * *

**Friday**

JJ tentatively knocked on the door and waited for an answer. She turned to Will and felt reassured by his small smile. The door opened to show a thinner, pale and tired Reid. Henry rushed forward and was quickly swept up by Reid.

"Hey, Henry," Reid smiled gently. "I got you a present. It's on the table, so why don't you go and check it out."

"Okay," Henry grinned as he got put back down. Reid ruffled his hair as he ran inside the apartment.

Reid turned back to face JJ and Will; refusing to make eye contact with JJ. "He'll be fine with me. What time are you picking him up?"

"Five o'clock," Will answered. "Do you mind if I just make sure everything is okay before I leave? Call it being overprotective."

"Just you," he said to Will.

"Spence, how are you?" JJ asked.

"Fine."

Will walked past Reid into the apartment. JJ tried to follow only for Reid to slam the door in her face.

* * *

Reid observed Will as he looked around the apartment, obviously looking for any sign of trouble or anything that could hurt Henry. Reid let out a small smile as he watched Henry playing with new spider man figure he had brought for him. Will returned from looking in the kitchen. "How are you doing?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Well, tough. I have a wife out there who's been worried sick about you and I'm not going out there without some news to tell her. It's clear as day that you're not doing well. You've lost weight, your skin is pale and you look like you haven't had a proper sleep in weeks. I need to know that my son is safe here with you."

"He's safe with me and I hate that you would ever think I would do something to jeopardize Henry's safety," Reid whispered angrily. "I feel like shit, Will. I can't sleep and when I do it, I end up over the toilet being sick. You can go out there and tell her that I'm not abusing anything. The team need to back off."

"It's okay to feel angry but don't be angry at the wrong people," Will stated before going to the door. "I'll be back at five to pick him up. I'll see you later, Henry."

"Bye, daddy," Henry waved before returning to his action figure. Will closed the door gently.

Reid walked over to Henry and knelt next to him. "Do you like your present?"

"It's awesome," Henry grinned. Reid tensed as Henry hugged him and leaned against his chest. He relaxed when he realized that Henry couldn't hurt him and hugged him back. "Uncle Spence, Why are you sad?"

"I don't like having accidents," Reid replied before bringing Henry away. "Let's watch some Transformers cartoons."

* * *

Will buckled Henry into the backseat before making his way to the driver's seat. JJ stared at Reid's window, her eyes red from getting upset on the way to pick up Henry. She turned around and smiled at Henry. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," Henry nodded. "We watched Transformers, I got a new action toy and Uncle Spence gave me ice cream."

"I'm glad you had fun. How's Uncle Spence doing?"

"Did Uncle Spence hurt his arm in the accident, mommy?"

"Only some bruises, why?" JJ asked.

"He has bandages on his arms."

**Please review**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's the next chapter...  
**

**Warning - Attempted suicide in this chapter along with scenes of self harm. Please read with caution. You've been warned.**

**Thanks for the reviews in advance.**

**Enjoy and let me know what you think.**

**All mistakes are my own**

"Is Henry sure?" Morgan questioned JJ as the team sat around Rossi's dining room table.

"He said that Spence has bandages all around his arm. Spence was wearing a long-sleeved shirt when he came to the door. My guess is that Henry wasn't supposed to see the bandages. Is he hurting himself?" JJ said.

"Reid wouldn't that," Garcia shook her head, refusing to believe that her junior g-man would purposefully hurt himself.

"We don't know what Reid is capable of," Rossi sighed. "He's pushed us all away. I spoke with his neighbor two days ago when I went to do the daily check up on him. He hasn't left that apartment in three weeks. Groceries have gotten delivered and he pays a young man to bring his mail to him every day. We need to get in there and make sure he's not doing permanent damage to himself."

"He let Henry go in and see him," Blake pointed out. "That's a good sign."

"He would never upset his godson and Henry wanted to see him. Reid can't say no to his godson, he just doesn't have that inside of him. I agree with Rossi, we need to get into the apartment and make sure he's not self-harming. If he is, we may have to place him in psychiatric care where he can get the help he needs," Hotch stated.

"Hotch, we can't do that to him," Morgan argued. "His biggest fear is ending up in a mental institution. We failed him before, we can't fail him this time. He won't let us into the apartment and breaking in won't go down too well. Besides, Will told JJ that Reid has installed extra locks and chains on the door."

"Are we seriously discussing breaking into Reid's apartment?" Garcia said in disbelief.

"Yes, we are," Morgan snapped before reeling himself back in. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I just can't stand the thought of him being all alone in that apartment and possibly cutting himself."

"Why would he cut himself?" Garcia asked.

Morgan answered before everyone else. "He thinks of himself as broken and used so he doesn't really care about his body now. He could be feeling so numb that he's using self harm to make himself feel just something that he couldn't feel before. It could be way of releasing all the dark emotions in his mind. He's on a road of self-destruction and we need to help him get off it. If he keeps going the way he is, I doubt he'll be here this time next year."

* * *

Hotch and Morgan crouched by the window centered by the fire escape. Hotch watched as Morgan began breaking into the apartment. "Morgan, where did you learn to break into a secure window?"

"Let's just say that I learned a few things during my rebellious time as a teenager. That's why I'm so good with hairpins and handcuffs," Morgan shrugged. They had informed the neighbors what they were doing and after explaining, the neighbors had agreed it was the best thing. It seemed that the team were not the only ones worried about Reid. Morgan gave the latch one more hit before the window released. "Got it. We're in."

Morgan knew Reid's apartment like the back of his hand. He slid the window open as quietly as he could before sliding through the gap and into the apartment. Hotch followed him and soon both were in the apartment. They had entered through the living room. Hotch turned on a light to find Reid asleep on the couch. Quietly, they walked over, both seeing the white bandages around Reid's arms. As Morgan stepped around, a creak sounded through the apartment causing the two men to freeze. Reid didn't make any kind of movement.

"He's not going to wake up," Hotch said before walking to the table. He picked up a small packet and read the contents.

"What are they?"

"Sleeping pills and powerful ones at that," Hotch sighed. "He'll be out till the morning. Go and let the others in. I'll check out his arms."

Morgan walked to the front door and unlocked all the chains and locks that Reid had installed. Hotch lifted Reid's arm up and began to unwrap the bandage. He gasped as he finished and saw deep cuts all along Reid's arms and wrists. "Oh, Spencer. Why?"

Garcia and the others gasped as they came into the apartment. All of them felt sick as they saw the cuts and bite marks along the arm. Hotch turned to Garcia.

"Garcia, get me some hot water and some antibacterial soap, I need to clean these, they look a little red."

JJ and Garcia rushed into the kitchen while Rossi stepped forward. "He looks like hell. He can't be left on his own, especially in this condition."

* * *

Hotch finished bandaging Reid's arm up. The rest of the team cleaned around him, the apartment was messy and in a state of disarray on some rooms. Gently, he lifted Reid into his arms and carried him to the bedroom where he laid Reid in bed. He brought the blankets up and made sure it wasn't too chilly in the room. His gaze drifted to the floor of the bedroom. A shiver came up his spine as an image flashed in his mind of Reid being held down.

"We're going to help you get better, Reid."

* * *

Reid moaned as he woke up sluggishly. The pills made him a little drowsy but he accepted the side effects if it meant he could sleep without the nightmares.

"Morning, kid."

His head snapped up the see Morgan standing by the door with a cup of coffee in his hand. "What the hell? What are you doing in my apartment?!" Reid yelled. "Did you break in?"

"Yes," Morgan answered simply.

"Get out," Reid shouted as he tried to get out bed. Morgan rushed forward as Reid lost his balance and collided with the bedside unit. Reid pushed him away and ran his hand through his hair. "You're not supposed to be here. Get out or I'm calling the police."

"Fine," Morgan shrugged. "Call them and tell them what you've done to yourself. Henry saw the bandages around your arms and told JJ. Reid, we broke in because it's clear you can't be left alone. You're a genius and you know thousands of statistics on self harm, depression and rape, you know that this isn't going to end well. We had to clean your arm last night because your cuts look angry and near infection."

"It's none of your business what I do with my life."

"Yes, it is. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you when Norton hurt you. Hell, I'll say it, when he raped you."

"Stop talking," Reid shook his head.

Morgan grabbed Reid by his upper arms. "No, I won't. He raped you and I know how much pain he put you through. No-one should ever hurt you like that but he did. I wish that I could go back and stop him from hurting you, but I can't. Hurting yourself isn't the answer. Your arms are a mess and your apartment is in a state too. You need help and we're here to give it to you."

Reid pounced at Morgan causing both of them to fall to the ground. He grabbed Morgan's shirt in a tight grip. "Help! I came to you for help when he first hurt me. I told you everything he did to me because I thought you would protect me. YOU DIDN'T! He came into that room with a smile on his face and held his hand over my mouth while the drug did its job. I had six other men watch as he violated me. I am disgusting, weak and a shell of my former self. You weren't there to protect me. I wanted you all to so desperately to knock on my door and save me but you were all nowhere to be seen."

Reid looked to his arms.

"I can feel the disgust crawling inside of me, Morgan. There is so much of it inside of me and I want it gone."

"You can't cut it out of yourself," Morgan said gently.

"It lets out everything I feel, almost as if it's a door to let it out."

Reid got back to his feet and walked into the living room to find the rest of the team. They stared at him in silence, all of them trying to avoid looking at his arms, something Reid knew was for their benefit and not his.

"You have no right being in my apartment. I could have you all arrested," Reid threatened.

"You won't have us arrested and I doubt you could anyway," Rossi said calmly.

"Why's that, Dave?"

"You're not in a good place mentally," Rossi answered truthfully. "You need constant supervision till we can trust you not to harm yourself."

"I don't need your help!"

"Yes, you do," Hotch shouted causing Reid to flinch. He walked over and looked into Reid's eyes. "What happens when you cut too deep? You'll be all alone as you bleed to death. As your boss, I'm telling you that unless you want to lose your job at the BAU, you'll sit down and do what we say. As your friend, I'm telling you that we'll be here for you until you get better because we will not survive losing you to suicide."

"I wouldn't-" Reid began to before Hotch grabbed his arm. He winced at the pressure on his cuts.

"This is the first step and you're one bad nightmare away from going over the edge. That's why you're taking the sleeping pills. You want to knock yourself out at night so you don't dream about what happened in this apartment and in that house."

"You have no idea what I went through," Reid growled.

"Norton held you down and forced himself on you, that's what happened. It's okay to be angry and upset, it's okay to feel hurt but we don't want you to feel alone."

Hotch hugged Reid close and didn't let him go. "It's okay to cry. Let it out."

Hotch felt Reid begin to shake his arms, he grunted as a fist hit his chest and watched Reid stumbled away. Reid dodged under Morgan's arm and ran into his bathroom. The lock clicked just before Morgan got to the door. "Kid, open the door," Morgan ordered calmly.

* * *

Reid sat against his bathtub and began to sob. Nothing was safe anymore. His team had broken into apartment. What stopped another man like Norton from doing the same? He flinched as a Morgan hit the door.

"Reid, open the door or we'll break it down."

"They're never going to leave you alone," a voice came from beside him. He turned and smiled.

"Maeve, I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this anymore. All I want is peace and happiness, I felt that when I spoke with you. Your words were so beautiful."

"We can be together," Maeve smiled, her hand reached out and stroked his cheek. "You know where it is."

His eyes flitted to the razor by the sink.

"Don't you do it, boy!"

His eyes widened as Tobias Hankel sat in the corner of the bathroom. "Not you. Please, not you."

"You do it and you'll burn in hell," Tobias growled, his father's personality in control.

"He's lying," Maeve said gently. "Please, I need you. We'll be so happy together and there will be no pain. Norton isn't able to hurt you if you're with me."

"Devil will have you burned for your sin if you destroy the life that God has given you!" Tobias yelled.

Reid grabbed the razor and placed it by his wrist, he looked up to Maeve. "I'll see you soon."

As he went to press down, the door smashed open.

"Reid, no!" Morgan screamed before lunging forward and grabbing Reid's hand, he carefully pried the razor from his hand and threw it across the floor.

"No, no, no," Reid fought. "I have to do this. Let me go!"

"Rossi, there is a small case in my jacket pocket. Grab one of the needles and bring it in here. It's a sedative."

Rossi disappeared without asking any questions. Hotch held down Reid's legs while JJ and Garcia looked on in horror at what state their friend had fallen into.

"Maeve, do something," Reid cried as he stared at the bathtub.

Rossi came back into with the needle and knelt next to Reid. He uncapped the needle and quickly injected it into Reid's thigh.

"Ah," Reid yelped before relaxing in Morgan's arms, his eyes fluttered for a few seconds before closing. He laid limply in Morgan's arms with his mouth open slightly.

"Where the hell did you get this?" Rossi questioned Morgan, holding up the syringe.

"Savannah managed to get them for me. I thought we might need them and I was right. Jesus, he almost killed himself."

JJ fell to her knees and stroked her hand through Reid's hair, feeling relief as she could finally touch him. "It'll be okay, Spence. We're here."

**Please review**

**Note - Reid has not developed schizophrenia, just want to assure you all beforehand. An explanation for his hallucinations will come soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. Sorry for the delay in updating but life got very hectic. Yes, I went down a very dark path in the last chapter and things won't exactly get back to normal quickly. Read away and I look forward to hearing from you all. Enjoy.  
**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you're wonderful and magnificent. I just want to hug you all. Thanks! LaRieNGuBleR, I love that you called me Ginger bread. That made me laugh so hard. **

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

"This isn't legal," JJ said. "I want to do this but we are keeping him here against his own will."

"When he wakes up, I'm going to issue him an ultimatum," Hotch explained. "He can stay here and be rehabilitated or go into a psychiatric ward. I doubt he wants to go to a ward. He almost killed himself, JJ. He had the razor at his wrists. He's been cutting for at least the last two weeks. I've never seen him this bad. Not even when he was on diluadid."

"I don't understand why he feels the need to take his own life," JJ shook her head. "I know he got raped and I can't imagine the pain he went through or the after effects. We're his family. He has Henry. Why would he want to leave us? Why would he want to leave Henry?"

"He's in a dark place and judging by what happened in the bathroom, he's struggling mentally. I think he's hallucinating."

"Do you think he's had a psychotic break?" JJ said fearfully.

"No, I don't. His behavior matches some signs of a psychotic break but other parts don't. He's able to function at a level you wouldn't see with a break. I think the trauma of everything is just having a profound effect. What he did in the bathroom was an act of desperation. We cornered him and instead of choosing to face what has happened to him, he tried to commit suicide."

"Why do bad things keep happening to him?"

"I don't know, JJ. I just hope that we can prevent anymore happening to him."

* * *

_He cried as his body moved up and down. A muffled yelp escaped his lips as his rapist grabbed his jaw. "You're so perfect."_

_Reid thrashed around and screamed at how helpless he was. He felt hot breath on his air and whimpered into the gag as it continued. He felt the eyes of the other men on him. He knew now why he was the favorite. He was weak._

_"I know that you'll make me happy," his attacker whispered. "You have such a body that all these other men are nothing to me. I'm part of you now. You don't need that false family anymore. You have me. In time, you'll realize that fate brought us together. You were always meant to meet me and love me. I love you, Spencer. Now, lay back and enjoy the rest."_

_He screamed as teeth bit his ear and his attacker get rougher._

* * *

Morgan rushed into the bedroom to see Reid struggling weakly as he slept. Hotch also came in after hearing the whimpers. Hotch gently shook his shoulder. "Wake up, Reid. It's okay."

Reid startled awake and tried to move from the bed. His eyes looked around the room sluggishly but settled on the handcuff around his wrist. A thick cloth was wrapped around his wrist to protect his skin from being cut from the handcuff. "What is this?" he moaned.

Hotch gently grabbed Reid's face and faced him. "Reid, I need you to focus. Do you remember what happened in the bathroom?"

Reid's face crumpled and his bottom lip quivered. "Why did you stop me?"

"We love you, kid," Morgan interrupted. "What the hell were you thinking? You tried to kill yourself."

"Let me go," Reid snapped as he tugged at his handcuff. He hissed as it pressed down on his wrist. The cuts beneath the cloth felt the pressure when he tugged. "You don't care about me. I'm just a pity project. You all watch and laugh at me so it makes your lives look better. You know I'm weak and that I don't belong anywhere. The only place I belong is with Maeve. She said Norton wouldn't be able to hurt me if I was with her. You bastards made me leave her again."

"You're a man with a genius intellect. You know about trauma and what it can do to the mind. Maeve is dead. You know that and she's never coming back. You know that she is nothing more than an hallucination brought on by all the stress," Hotch said, struggling to not lose control. "We don't laugh at you and we don't think you're weak. You belong with us. What you tried to do in that bathroom was selfish and Maeve would be disappointed in you for trying to take your own life."

"SHUT UP!" Reid yelled.

Hotch grabbed his shoulders and yanked him up into an upright position. "I WILL NOT SHUT UP!" Hotch shouted. "You tried to commit suicide and I will not sit here and dance around you because of what happened. Maeve died for you that night. She kept back the one thing Diane wanted to know so you would stay safe. She died protecting you from Diane with a single name. You almost threw away what she gave you. You're alive because she made the sacrifice. You're selfish, Reid. You want to end the pain but it's not that simple. Pain doesn't end when someone takes their life. No, it transfers to the people who love them. You mean so much to us all and you were going to hurt us. You have no idea the pain you would put us through if you died. The fact you wanted to die of your own free will makes it worse."

Reid remained silent as Hotch spoke. "Reid, if you had succeeded, I would have had to tell you mother. I would have had to call her and tell her that her son, her little boy, is dead. Dead because he chose to be. JJ would have had to tell Henry that Uncle Spencer wasn't around anymore to play and teach him magic tricks. You preach about protecting Henry and giving him a good life but you were going to leave him. He would grow up knowing that Uncle Spence killed himself and left him. That little boy adores and loves you. You didn't think about him. You didn't think about any of us. Norton raped you in this apartment and he raped you again at his house. I wish I could go back and save you but I can't. It happened, Reid. You can't cut the memories out or the pain. It's there inside because you went through something horrific. You could turn that pain into something better if you just let us help you. Don't push us away. Talk to us and we'll help you."

"I can call the police," Reid began to mumble.

Hotch grabbed the phone and threw it to the floor. "No, you won't. Now, I'm going to be the man you need now. A man who won't treat you like a child because you're not a child. You're a grown man. You have two choices. You can stay here, handcuffed to the bed, and we'll help you. Your other choice is to go into a mental hospital under suicide watch. If you choose the second option, you will lose your job. Remember your job. You save people in your job. Hell, you even delivered a baby. Don't throw everything away and let Norton win. I'll give you an hour to choose."

Hotch and Morgan began to leave the room. Before closing the door, Hotch turned to see Reid. "It's okay to need help."

Hotch closed the door leaving Reid in a state of shock. Every word just spoken now circulated his mind. He thought about Henry and all the fun days out they had together and the many more they could have. He buried his head in his pillow as he tried to think.

* * *

Morgan, Hotch and Garcia walked into the room. Garcia walked to the other side of the bed to see Reid's face. His eyes were puffy and tears were running down his face. "I-I'll stay here."

Hotch let out a sigh of relief. "You made the right choice. Do you want to talk about anything?"

"It's not so much the rape that hurts me," Reid whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Garcia asked.

"I've only ever had one person tell me that they loved me in a romantic way," Reid struggled, his voice quiet. "I l-laid on that bed in his house while he raped me. I screamed, I tried to fight and I cried. He kept whispering in my ear the entire time. He said I love you. Words so sacred and he made them dirty. I-I can't think."

Garcia climbed on the bed and wrapped him in her arms. He cried into her arms and laid against her. Garcia felt unbelievable relief as she held her junior g-man in her arms. He was letting her touch and comfort him. "It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay to cry. I've got you."

Hotch and Morgan watched the sobs shakes through Reid's entire body. They heard a muffled voice. Garcia came away and looked down. "What did you say?"

"I-I don't who I am anymore," he cried. "I want to cut out the bad."

"No more cutting," Garcia whispered. "We'll help you. You'll be yourself again, I promise."

**Please review**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's the next chapter...**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Garcia laid on the bed with Reid. She stroked her hand through his hair as he stared at the wall. Hotch and Morgan had left to make something to eat for Reid. Rossi and JJ had gone to get a few things for Reid's recovery. "You're safe. You can talk to me too."

"I know you all hate me for what I tried to do," he said gently.

"We're angry but we could never hate you," she sighed. "We love you and we don't want to lose you. We thought that giving you space was the best thing but we were wrong. You were alone when Norton hurt you. You shouldn't have been alone afterwards. We aren't here to judge you. We're here to listen. You keep saying that you want to cut all the pain out but that isn't right. Talking about what happened will help. It helped with Morgan. The first time it helped."

Reid leaned further into her. "When I woke up in that house, I was overcome by fear. We were all tied down and helpless. Just like puppets. He came in and talked about finding his next companion. He smiled and then came over to me because he wanted to start with his favorite."

She watched as he fisted a handful of her dress in his hand. She reached down and held his hand as his breathing became faster. "It's okay. He can't hurt you."

"I screamed but my gag stopped it. He ripped my trousers and boxers down and I couldn't stop him. Five men watched as he violated me," Reid cried harder. "He never stopped. He kept whispering in my ear that I was the one and the others were just for fun. He taunted me with everything he was going to make me do. I-It hurt and I couldn't stop it. I can't stop anything."

Garcia felt her chest become heavy as she began to cry. She hugged Reid closer and kissed his hair as he began to break down again. She rocked him gently. "I-I can't do it."

"It's okay. We'll try again soon. Just let it out."

She jumped a little when Reid let out a muffled scream into her chest as they hugged.

* * *

Garcia watched as Reid tried to lift a spoonful of soup. She cradled his hand and helped him put the spoon in his mouth. "Let me feed you."

"No!" Reid shouted before dropping the spoon in the bowl. He ran his free hand through his hair and then tugged against the handcuff. Morgan and Hotch came back into the bedroom.

"Why did you shout?" Hotch asked.

"I don't want to be fed like a baby," Reid answered before tugging at his handcuffs. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Morgan came over and unlocked the handcuff from his wrist and then took him by his upper arm. "You can close the door but leave it open by a little. We'll wait out here."

"You're treating me like a child."

"I'm treating you with care," Morgan said. "We cleared everything out that you could use to hurt yourself."

Reid walked into the bathroom and closed the door to a certain point. He quickly did his business before washing his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw tear stains down his cheeks. Dark circles covered under his eyes. He looked around the room and made sure the others couldn't see him. He just wanted something to let out the pain. He saw a sharp corner and pressed his arm against it. He bit his lip as the corner cut the skin of his arm. Blood began to ooze down his arm. He smiled and moaned as he felt the pain and disgust inside of him drip out of him. He didn't hear the door creak open.

"REID, NO!" Hotch yelled. Reid turned around and tried to dash past Hotch. He cried out as Morgan grabbed him and slammed him down on the bed. Hotch rushed over and wrapped a towel around his bleeding arm.

"Let me go!" Reid yelled before kicking out. Garcia rushed forward but grunted as one of his kicks hit her in the stomach. All three men froze as she fell to the floor clutching her stomach. Morgan let go of Reid and rushed to her side.

"Garcia," he said before helping her sit up.

"I'm okay," she moaned. "Just need a second."

"Morgan, take Garcia out of the room. Now," Hotch ordered.

Morgan brought Garcia to her feet and led her out of the room. Hotch slammed the door shut and walked to the bed. He grabbed Reid's and pushed him to the floor. Reid panicked as Hotch pressed him down to the floor on his stomach. "What are you doing? Get off me!"

"Is this how he held you down?" Hotch said. He brought Reid's wrists together and held them with one hand. Reid's breathing became quicker and quicker. "Reid, is this how he held you down the first time?"

"Yes," Reid answered quickly. "Please, get off me."

A small yelp escaped his lips as Hotch used his spare hand to press his head against the floor. "No, no, no, no. Please don't."

Relief flowed through him as he got yanked up from the floor and seated on the bed. Hotch grabbed his face. "Remember the fear you just felt. Norton did that to you. He held you down and forced you into sex. You can't cut the fear from your body. You can't cut the pain from your body. You are hurting those who love you, Spencer! You just kicked Garcia in her stomach."

"I didn't mean to," Reid defended himself. "You don't understand."

"Then help me to understand, Spencer," Hotch said before sighing and holding the cloth around Reid's arm. "I know that self harming can become almost as addictive as drugs. You can't keep doing it though. Ending your life isn't the answer either. Garcia said that you opened up to her earlier. You need to keep doing that."

"It doesn't make what happened go away!" Reid screamed.

"It doesn't but it makes it easier if you can depend on everyone that wants to help you. I don't want to come in here and find you dead. We won't survive that. Remember what I said earlier. I don't want to put you in a ward because I know it's one of your worst nightmares. If I see another cut on you, I will put you in a ward because I'll have no other choice. I don't want to do that."

Reid looked into Hotch's eyes. "My body isn't mine anymore. He took it. He became part of me when he raped me and I don't want that part inside of me anymore. I try to think of good things but he's there in every thought."

"He doesn't own you," Hotch said gently. "Your body is your body."

"It isn't though," Reid sobbed. "He marked me, Hotch. I can still feel him as he finished. I can still feel him!"

Reid collapsed into Hotch's arms and cried into his shoulder. Hotch hugged Reid close and whispered soothing words. After five minutes, the sobs stopped. Hotch looked down to find Reid had fallen asleep against him.

"Is he okay?"

Hotch looked to the door to see Garcia standing there. "He's got a long way before I can say that. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said before walking over. "Let's get him under the covers."

Morgan came into the room and helped them slip Reid under the covers. Garcia fluffed the pillows while Hotch cleaned and wrapped up the new and old cuts on Reid's arm. She brushed her hand through his hair. "He looks exhausted and he needs to eat something when he wakes up."

"I think it's better that he stays supervised. The door stays open fully when he goes to the bathroom. We'll respect his privacy to a point," Morgan said.

"My poor baby genius," Garcia sighed.

* * *

_His entire face felt as if an anvil had just slammed into it. He felt blood down his face and one of his eyes was beginning to swell up. He faintly registered his front door being locked and footsteps coming towards him. He moaned as a foot slammed into his stomach. His attacker gasped and began to speak. "Oh, you're a prize indeed. Dr Spencer Reid of the FBI. You're so rare."_

_He groaned as another kick smashed into his back. "I think it's time I started."_

_He yelped as a hand grabbed his hair and dragged him into his bedroom. He coughed as he got punched in the back twice. As he tried to take in deep breaths through his mouth, panic filled him as a large cloth got shoved into his mouth and tied behind his head. He struggled as a hand grabbed his wrist and pinned them together. A hand grabbed his trousers and yanked them down. He struggled but the grip around his wrists only tightened. His pleas for the man to stop came out muffled as his boxers slid down his legs. _

_"Stop struggling, Dr Reid. It'll only hurt more if you do. It won't hurt if you behave."_

_He closed his eyes and began to cry as he felt hands were they should never be. He just wanted someone to knock on his door and stop this but his hopes dwindled as he heard the sound of a zip and buckle. He thrashed but couldn't escape._

_"Such a prize," his attacked said gleefully. He struggled harder as he felt something. _

_A muffled scream followed as the violation began._

* * *

JJ rushed into the bedroom with the rest of the team to see Reid thrashing in his bed sheets. "No!" Reid screamed.

Morgan rushed to the bedside and shook Reid. "Wake up, kid."

"Ahhh," Reid screeched. "No, it hurts. Stop it!"

"Spencer Walter Reid! Wake up now," Morgan yelled before giving Reid a good shake. Reid whipped his eyes open and struggled against the hands trying to help him. Morgan put his hand on Reid's forehead and found it hot.

"Hotch, he's burning up."

**Please review**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all like it. Yes, Reid has a fever and you'll see why in this chapter. Thank you for staying with this story. I know it's a bit dark and I feel like I'm dragging it out but I like to explore the emotional side of things. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you're brilliant and I really depend on your reviews to keep me going. Thanks!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan opened the door to see Savannah standing there. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Derek, he needs to go to hospital," Savannah sighed. "I can only do so much for him and what I am doing isn't legal. I had to call in some major favors to get what I need. If he doesn't improve after I treat him then you'll have to take him to hospital."

"I know this isn't easy and I know I'm asking a lot of you but I don't want to take him to hospital unless I have to. He's been self harming and I know what the doctors will do. They'll put him away and he won't survive that."

Savannah stormed past him and walked into the bedroom. Her eyes looked to Garcia who was holding a cold cloth to Reid's neck.

"I'm so glad you're here," Garcia smiled sadly. "His temperature is getting higher and he can't focus for long."

Savannah brought out an ear thermometer and placed it in his ear. She waited for the beep and then brought it away. She shook her head as the screen displayed a temperature of 103.4. "He's got a high-grade fever and it's most likely being caused by an infection. I brought a few things because I suspected it was an infection."

Garcia watched Savannah bring out two IV bags along with tubing and needles. She connected it all together before calling Morgan in. Morgan came in immediately.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"I need you to hang this above him somewhere. Getting an IV pole wasn't an option. I'm going to start him on a course of intravenous antibiotics and hopefully that will bring his temperature down," Savannah said before pulling out a needle. "Sharp scratch."

She pushed the needle into his arm near his elbow and quickly connected the IV bag to it. Morgan found a small hook to hang the IV bag. Savannah brought out a stethoscope and place it in her ears. She tapped the bottom before placing it on Reid's chest. Garcia and Morgan watched intently as she checked his heart rate.

"His heart is a little fast but that should calm down if the antibiotics take effect. Help me unwrap his arms. One or more of his cuts is probably the cause of the infection."

Garcia dipped the wet cloth into a large bowl full of ice. She pressed it to Reid's forehead. He let out a small gasp before leaning against the cloth. "I'm here, Reid. Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you."

Morgan and Savannah finished unwrapping Reid's arm to find some of the cuts had become angry and red. The earlier cleanings had not helped. "Some of these are badly infected. This infection has been present for a while. I can clean them and bandage his arm. That should help him fight of the infection. Garcia, keep applying the cold cloth. He's in for a rough few days."

* * *

Morgan stood by the door and watched as Savannah finished with Reid. She walked over to him and pulled him out of the room to speak with him. "Derek, he should go to hospital. He needs psychiatric care. They can keep an eye on him and treat him properly."

"I can't do that to him," Morgan shook his head. "One of his worst fears is to go into a ward. Thank you for doing all of this."

"Derek, he's been cutting himself and he is dangerously underweight. I know that he's been raped. You're a profiler. You know what effect the rape has had on him and how he is emotionally. He's not dealing with it well and no-one expects him to. I know how much he means to you. I can only treat his physical injuries. You have to push him to start healing the mental ones."

* * *

Reid felt heat run through his body. He moaned as he opened his eyes. Fear overwhelmed him as eyes of evil stared down at him. "Hello, treasure."

"No," he began to cry. "You can't be here."

"Why would I stay away from such a perfect man?" Norton smirked.

Garcia looked down and felt her heart ache as she watched Reid struggle. "Reid, what's wrong?"

"Don't hurt me," Reid sobbed. "You already took what you wanted. I screamed for you."

"Savannah!" she shouted as she brushed her hand through Reid's hair. She used the cold cloth to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "Reid, it's Garcia. He isn't here. Norton is in prison."

Savannah rushed into the room and promptly injected a sedative into Reid. Garcia watched as Reid's eyes closed and his body become limp. "He needs to rest. He's most likely hallucinating due to his fever."

"It isn't fair," Garcia said angrily. "He doesn't deserve all this. He's a good man and bad things keep happening for no reason."

* * *

**Two days later**

Reid licked his dry lips as he woke up. His skin felt cool and he didn't feel sick anymore. He opened his eyes to see the team asleep around his bed. Garcia and Morgan slept against the wall with pillows behind them and a blanket covering their legs. Garcia slept against Morgan's chest with his arm around her. JJ, Rossi and Hotch slept in chairs. He couldn't help but smile. He didn't understand why he couldn't face them when they were awake. He was afraid.

Afraid that this would be the last straw and that they would abandon him. He had distanced himself because he didn't want to face the pain of being weak and useless to them. He brought his arm up to see the bandages. Cutting allowed him to release everything he felt but it never lasted. It built up again till he had to do it again. He looked to his bedside table and saw a glass of water. He reached out but couldn't reach it.

"I'll get it for you," Rossi said as he woke up and rose up from his chair. Rossi held the glass to his lips. Reid relished the soothing moisture of the water as it touched his lips and his throat.

"Thank you," Reid whispered. "Why are you here?"

"None of us could sleep at home. All we kept thinking about was you and your fever. We decided to camp out here where we could get some sleep. Plus, we wanted to watch over you."

"What happened?"

"You developed an infection caused by cutting your arms. Savannah came over and treated you here. Your fever is gone but you'll need to take some antibiotics for the next few days as a precaution. You've given us one hell of a scare."

"Would any of you ever leave me?" Reid asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I pushed you away for a reason. I hate what I've become. I know it's only a matter of time before you all leave and get sick of me. Gideon, Elle, Emily and Blake. They left and I had something to do with them leaving. I thought if I pushed you away, it wouldn't hurt when you finally got sick of me. I bring too much trouble to the team. I know it's only a matter of time."

"The others leaving has never been your fault. Emily left for a new start and she didn't leave because she was sick of you. I don't know this Elle but I heard what she did. She wasn't suitable for this job. Blake left because the past finally caught up with her and she was ready to face it. You helped her face it. You didn't make her leave by getting shot. I knew Gideon and I knew one day he would leave. This job requires strong people who have the will to survive and the strength to deal with the horrors we see. You have that strength. You have never been weak and what Norton did to you hasn't changed that."

"I stopped fighting though."

"Just because you stopped fighting doesn't mean you're weak. I can't imagine the pain you were in when he hurt you. You stopped fighting because you wanted the pain to stop or to lessen. It's okay to want the pain to go away. You know that he wanted power over you. It didn't matter if you fought him, he already gained that control when he started. Anything that you did after that didn't matter to him. I don't think you're his favorite because you stopped fighting."

"I don't understand."

"You look like his last companion. More than any of the others. He just wanted to mess with us and mess with your head. You're not weak because he hurt you. He's the weak one. He needed to push you down and rape you to make himself think he was a man. He's nothing but a bastard with sick desires. He's not a man, he's a monster. One that I know you can fight in your memories. It's okay to ask for our help. You aren't weak for needing help."

"I'm a grown man," Reid sniffed as eyes began to tear up. "I shouldn't need someone to take care of me."

"We all need someone to take care of us at some point in our life," Rossi smiled sadly. "You've gone through something that I can't even begin to imagine but I'm here to help you and so is everyone else. You're still Dr Spencer Reid. You'll always be him. Our past doesn't define us. Only we can define who we are and who we want to be in the future. I know you thought ending your life was the answer but that is never the answer."

"I just didn't want to face everything," Reid cried. "I didn't want to face you all because I knew you would judge me. I thought that you would blame me for what happened."

"No-one is judging you, Reid. We just want to help you. You can't think like this. You're a victim but you're also a smart man who knows that none of this is your fault. How could it ever be your fault?"

"Can I-" Reid began before stopping and pressing his lips together.

"It's okay," Rossi urged.

"Can I come and stay with you?" Reid asked. "I don't want to stay here anymore."

"Of course you can," Rossi smiled before leaning down. He brought Reid into his arms and held him. Reid leaned against him and cried gently. "I've got you, Reid."

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	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, everyone. Here is the next chapter.  
**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan looked down at Reid as he carried him down the steps of the apartment building. Reid was asleep against his chest and looked so small in his arms. JJ walked in front of him and held open the door for him. Garcia opened the passenger door of the SUV. Morgan gently put him in the front seat with back lowered so he could lay down. They all looked to Reid as he let out a small moan. Garcia rushed over with a blanket. "Go to sleep," she hushed before bringing a pink pillow out from the front seat and putting it under his head. Reid fell back to sleep swiftly as he got secured in the seat.

Morgan looked up at Rossi who was in the driver's seat. "You're all set. We'll see you at the house once we've got his stuff."

"Hotch is at the house getting his room ready. We'll see you later."

Morgan closed the door. He stepped back and watched Rossi pull away from the sidewalk. Garcia came over and slipped her hand into his hand. "This is a step in the right direction."

"I know," Morgan nodded. "I just wish I had been able to get through to him like Rossi did."

"You're still his best friend," Garcia said. "I think Rossi has a fatherly connection to him. Especially after Maeve. Come on, we have to get some more of Reid's stuff packed and we have to make a few stops on the way to Rossi's house."

"What stops?"

Garcia grinned. "I'm going to surround Reid with nothing but goodness which means we need to make a few stops to grab a lot of goodies. He's been surrounded by darkness since being attacked. It's time he got surrounded with just about every colour you can think of."

* * *

Reid opened his eyes to find himself surrounded with colorful objects. He smiled as he took in the Tardis model on his bedside table and the Doctor figurines in front of it. Get well balloons were tied next to his bed. As he looked down at his bed, he noticed small plush toys and bears filled it. Sunlight poured through his window illuminating all the colorful decorations around the room.

"It's nice," Rossi smiled as he came to the door with a tray of food. He placed the tray on the bedside table and helped Reid sit up. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Reid admitted. "I don't really remember coming here."

"We moved you while you were asleep. Now, it's about time you had something proper to eat. I made you noodles with some Italian flare. Your stomach should handle them just fine."

Rossi put the noodles on Reid's lap and handed him a glass of water along with a few pills. "You need to take your antibiotics."

Reid put the pills in his mouth and swallowed them with a few gulps of water. Rossi took the glass and placed it down on the tray. Reid looked down at the bowl. "I'm not that hungry."

"We both know that's a lie," Rossi said. "You have to eat something. I have an idea."

Rossi opened a draw next to the bed and pulled out a magazine. He opened it to a page that Reid couldn't see. "I'm going to question you with this movie and TV quiz while you eat. After every question, you eat a good helping of those noodles. Agreed."

"Okay," Reid nodded.

"What is the top earning film of all time?"

Reid answered immediately. "It was Titanic but Avatar recently became the highest earning film."

Rossi watched happily as Reid brought a helping of noodles on his fork and put it in his mouth. Reid smiled at the taste of the food and licked his lips. "This is really good."

"You can't beat Italian cooking," Rossi chuckled.

* * *

Reid looked up from his crossword when he felt a presence by the door. He pushed his glasses up his nose as Morgan walked into the room. "Hey, kid. What happened to your contact lenses?"

"I need to get some new ones. I'm fine using my glasses for now. What are you doing here?"

"I came to check up on you and talk to you. We haven't really talked since the bedroom at your apartment. You seem calmer."

"Appearances can be deceiving but I feel better after getting out of the apartment," Reid shrugged. "I see Garcia has added her flare to the bedroom."

"She wants to surround you with all the good things in life. Look, we're going to take this slow. I realize now that back at the apartment we may have pressured you into talking. Rossi seems to have gotten through to you."

"He answered some questions," Reid said. "I know that I should be able to talk to you like I did before but something has changed. I saw the look on your face when you saw my arms."

"I'm not angry," Morgan sighed.

"Yes, you are," Reid argued gently.

"Fine, I am. I'm angry that I let this happen."

"You didn't let this happen. I did this to myself. It's understandable that I got an infection."

"What did you use?" Morgan asked.

"The razor that I tried to use to end everything. I didn't really bother to clean it."

"That's not like you," Morgan pointed out. He knew that Reid was a clean freak. The genius knew all about bacteria and infections.

Reid rubbed his hand over his face. He laid back against the wall of pillows behind him and took a few deep breaths. "I know that I should have cleaned it. All the dirt and disgust is inside me. When I was trying to cut it out, I didn't care about how dirty the razor was because I didn't think I could get any dirtier inside. Norton ruined my life. I could handle being shot and I've handled everything else that has happened in my life. Norton took away everything that I am. He wanted to make me feel like nothing and that's exactly what he did."

"You're not nothing. You're still you."

"You may see something inside me but I'm struggling to. Look, I'm tired. I'm going to get some sleep."

"I'll be here when you wake up. I'm going to help you through this. We all are."

* * *

_His eyes fluttered as he tried to push through the fog that was pressing down his mind. His entire body felt as if lead had replaced his blood. His eyes opened a small fraction to see someone above him. He felt a wet material in his intimate area. A small moan escaped his lips._

_"That's a surprise," Norton smiled above him. "Don't worry, I can make you sleep again."_

_Norton disappeared. A sharp scratch hit his arm. His mind succumbed to the darkness. A darkness that didn't frighten him this time. The real world was the frightening place this time._

* * *

A gasp tore its way out of his mouth. He clutched his chest as he struggled to calm himself down. He quickly checked his trousers for any sign of blood. He wiped his cheeks and gripped the bed sheet as he took deep breaths to calm down. As he focused, he heard voices coming from downstairs. He pushed the covers aside and made his way out of his room.

He listened as the team spoke about him.

"We went about trying to help him all wrong before. We can't demand when he talks. He'll open up himself," Rossi's voice said.

"I know he's opening up but he's still hiding behind layers of pain," Morgan argued gently.

Reid walked down the steps silently as the team continued to talk. He waited by the wall and listened.

"Henry wants to see him but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Reid isn't in a good place and I don't want Henry to see him if he loses control."

"I can control myself around Henry," Reid spoke up before appearing around the corner to look at JJ. "I would never let Henry know. I care about him."

Garcia spoke before JJ got a chance. "Are you okay? You look frightened."

Reid brought his sleeves over his hands. "I had a nightmare."

Garcia rushed over and put her hands on his shoulders. "What happened? You can tell us. It might help to let it out."

"I think I woke up when he was-" Reid hesitated before closing his eyes. "When he was cleaning me. I felt him doing things to me. I think my past drug use gave me a slightly higher resistance to the drug he gave me. He sent me back to sleep with another injection. I don't know why I couldn't remember till now."

He tensed as Garcia wrapped her arms around him. When he inhaled her perfume, he relaxed and let himself be comforted by her. "It's okay, Reid," she said quietly. "He can't hurt you anymore."

Reid came away from the hug and stared at JJ. "Why would you think I would lose control in front of Henry? Don't lie to me."

"I don't know what to expect from you," JJ said in frustration. "Henry wants to come and see you. He wants to watch movies with you and eat ice cream. You swing from one extreme to another. You want our help and then you try to kill yourself."

"JJ, ease up," Rossi warned.

"I can't," JJ angrily snapped. "I want to help you and be here for you but I'm afraid that we'll get close to you and you'll do something stupid again. I know that Norton hurt you but that was no excuse for you to almost hurt Henry like you did."

Reid stared at her before retreating back. "I wasn't thinking straight," he almost whispered.

"I made you his godfather because I want you to be there and look after him if anything ever happened to Will and me. The day he was born, I knew that only one person could be his godfather. I only ever thought of you. I've kept this inside and I can't do it anymore. I cried for weeks because I couldn't see you. I couldn't help you. How can I trust you after you almost left us? After you almost left Henry."

"Then don't trust me anymore," Reid cried angrily. "You're right. Henry deserves a godfather who can be strong for him. If you think I would ever hurt or frighten Henry than you are wrong. Get him a new godfather though. I ruined my chance and I won't ruin Henry's life with how weak and disgusting I am."

Reid rushed back up the stairs and into his room. He slid against the door and felt his chest burn with guilt and pain.

**Please review**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all like it. Things will begin to get better from here and there is a surprise in the next two chapters. I'm nervous about how you'll all take it but I wanted to do it. Short intro tonight as I want to get all my posts up quickly. Enjoy and I hope to hear from you all.  
**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you're brilliant and I absolutely adore you all. Thanks!**

**Warning - self harm**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

"Get out," Rossi snapped at JJ. "I want you to get out of this house now."

JJ looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"You had no right to say those things to him. You know that Henry is the most important person in the world to Reid and that he would never hurt him. JJ, he's going through a tough time and you've just destroyed him. He's depressed and suicidal. After what he's been through, it isn't a surprise. I know he tried to end his life but he didn't because we're here. We're supposed to protect him and care for him. It's our responsibility to get him through this and not make everything worse. Till you can control yourself and be supportive, I want you to leave. In fact, I think it is best if you all leave for a while."

"I'm not going anywhere," Morgan argued.

"Yes, you are," Rossi said angrily. "I'll call you all in a while but I need to calm him down."

"I just-" JJ tried to say before Rossi slammed his hand on the table.

"I don't want to hear it," he shouted. "Go!"

* * *

Reid pressed the piece of plastic he had snapped off one of the toys Garcia had placed in his room to his skin. A small moan came from him as he carved into his pale skin. Tears rolled from his cheeks to his legs as he marked himself. Reid looked up as his door opened. A look of horror came onto Rossi's face. "Reid, put down the shard of plastic."

The bloody piece of plastic fell from his hand. He pressed his lips together. "I don't want to be alive anymore. She's right. I'm a failure. I can't do anything right and I'm not good enough to be Henry's godfather."

Rossi stayed silent as he walked over to a bookshelf and grabbed a first aid kit. He lowered himself to the floor and pushed up Reid's trousers. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

Rossi soaked a small cotton bud with some antiseptic. Reid winced as Rossi pressed it to the cuts. The cuts spelled out 'bad' and looked painful. "I'm a bad godfather. She's right. I was going to leave Henry. When I was in that bathroom, I wasn't thinking about Henry. All I thought about was how much I wanted the memories to go away."

"JJ is not right," Rossi said calmly. "She had no right to say those things to you. You would never hurt Henry and I know that. Spencer, you're a wonderful godfather. Henry told me about all the fun he had with you when he came to your apartment. JJ is taking out all her anger on you when she shouldn't. She should understand how difficult your life is at this time."

Rossi pointed to the new cuts. "You can't do this anymore."

"I felt that I needed to punish myself," Reid coughed.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You can't cut yourself as a form of punishment. I've never seen you like this and it hurts to see you like this. You made a promise not to cut yourself anymore. Keep that promise from this day on."

"How did I fall so low?" Reid shook his head.

* * *

Morgan and Garcia walked up the stairs of Rossi's home. They had stayed away for a few hours but needed to see Reid again. Garcia looked down at the spare key in her hand and hoped Rossi wouldn't mind that she had used it. They found Rossi standing in the doorway of Reid's room. "Rossi," she said before standing next to him.

"Talk quietly," Rossi whispered. Garcia and Morgan looked into the room to see Reid buried among his duvet. They could just see his head above the duvet as he slept. Garcia's heart ached as she watched her baby boy sleep. She wanted him to have nothing but peace. She would give up computers for the rest of her life if it meant Reid could feel like he used to. To feel like he had before Norton had savaged him.

"He cut himself again with a piece of plastic he managed to snap off a toy," Rossi said. "I cleaned it and placed a bandage over it. He thought he needed to punish himself for being a bad godfather. I'm furious with JJ."

"You're not the only one," Morgan spoke. "I know she's angry but she shouldn't take it out on him."

* * *

JJ sat curled in the corner of her couch. She wiped away her tears and felt overwhelming guilt weigh down on her heart. Everyone was right to hate her for what she had done.

"JJ, what's wrong?" Will asked as he walked into the living room.

"I'm a horrible person," she cried. "I said some hurtful things to Spence. I just lost control of everything inside of me. I yelled at him for almost leaving Henry and for leaving us and that I didn't trust him to be Henry's godfather. I didn't mean it. I've just been so emotional about all of this and I couldn't stop myself. I've hurt him and everyone knows it."

Will wrapped his arms around her. "I know this hasn't been easy for you. I won't lie to you. You shouldn't have said those things to him but we don't always have control over what we do when we're angry. We both know that he would never hurt Henry. Sweetie, he's gone through a terrible ordeal and we both know he wasn't thinking straight when he tried to take his own life. He's a good godfather but he's also human. He's in pain and we need to be there for him. It doesn't matter how we feel. We have to be here for him and make sure he makes it through this."

"I want to tell him how sorry I am," JJ sniffed as she wiped her nose. "I just can't face him though. I can't face the hate I know will be in his eyes. He actually yelled that I should find Henry a new godfather because I didn't trust him."

"You'll have to face him eventually."

"I know but I can't do it so soon."

"Then write a letter to him. Tell him how you feel in that letter and tell him that he'll always be Henry's godfather. We both know that he would care for Henry if anything ever happened to us. I trust that man with my son's life. I always will."

* * *

_Reid laid on the bed and closed his eyes as his attacker climbed off the bed. He shivered with fear and disgust as he felt blood travel down his thighs. He cringed as a rough hand grabbed his chin. "Open your eyes, Spencer."_

_His eyes fluttered open to see the man above him._

_"You're just perfect," his abuser sighed happily before walking to the door and leaving the room. He looked to see the other men staring at him. He broke down again and screamed into his gag._

* * *

His eyes whipped open to see the bedroom wall of his room. Reid looked out to see that it was dark. A sense of numbness fell over him as he tried to block out the images of the nightmare he had just had. He tensed as he heard soft footsteps coming into his room. Reid relaxed slightly as he saw it was just Garcia putting some coffee next to his bed. The smell of coffee made him smile.

"Thank you," Reid said.

"Hey," Garcia smiled. "I thought you might like some coffee. It might perk you up a little. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like just staying in this bed for the rest of my life. In here, I feel safe because the world can't come into this room. I don't want to face all the pain I've caused and all the pain that I've gone through."

"You can stay in this bed as long as you want to but the world is still out there and it's not all bad," Garcia said gently. She raised her hand to stroke his hair but hesitated.

"You can do it," Reid said.

Garcia brought her hand gently through his hair. "I'm sorry about JJ."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Okay. Maybe later. I'm going to tell you something. When I lost my parents, I retreated from the world and I surrounded myself with computers and code because it made me feel safe. I left the world for a while because I thought the world was bad. I thought that because the world had taken away my wonderful parents. I know it's not the same as your situation but I need you to know this. The world does have evil within it but there is so much beauty out there too. I discovered so many wonderful things when I finally began to live again. When you're ready, I'm going to help you see all that beauty again."

"What if I live my life again? If I do, what stops something bad happening?"

"Your family will stop something bad happening," she smiled gently. "We love you and we'll always protect you."

Reid bit his lip before take a shaky breath in. "Can you stay with me for a while?"

"Of course I can," Garcia said gently. She made her way to the other side of the bed, slipped off her shoes and carefully got onto the bed. She laid behind Reid and brought her arms around him. She felt him tense for a moment before relaxing into her arms. She brought the cover over herself and laid her chin on his shoulder. "You're never alone. We're here to help you. I will hug you when you need a hug. I'll make you smile when you're feeling sad and I'll always be here for you."

Reid brought his hand up and held her hand as it laid near his waist. "I'm so scared of being hurt again, Garcia. I'm scared of losing myself and becoming like my mother. The mind can only take so much before it breaks."

"I won't let you lose yourself," Garcia soothed. "The world would be a darker place without you in it and I'm not about to lose my junior g-man."

Reid leaned against her and gently cried.

"It's okay to cry, Spencer. I've got you. Let it out."

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	16. Chapter 16

**Here's the next chapter for you all...**

**Enjoy and please review**

Rossi smiled as he looked into Reid's bedroom. Reid slept peacefully with Garcia's arms wrapped around him. Garcia slept too and had a peaceful look on her face. They had slept for a few hours and the coffee on the bedside table was no doubt cold. No nightmare was haunting Reid and Rossi was thankful for that. He quickly made his way down the stairs as a loud knock came at his door. He opened the door to see Will standing there.

"Will, what are you doing here?" Rossi asked.

"I've come to give you something and to talk to you. I know that JJ said some bad things but you have to understand that she's been struggling lately. She's not handled what happened well. She didn't mean what she said."

"She meant what she said," Rossi said angrily. "She shouted at that poor boy and made him feel like life wasn't worth living. He cut the word bad into himself because of what she said. Reid loves Henry and he's been nothing but a brilliant godfather to that little boy. He needs peace and rest. He doesn't need more pain on top of what he is already feeling."

"JJ regrets what she said and we both know that Spencer is a good godfather. I trust Spencer with Henry. She's had a lot of trouble lately controlling how she's been feeling and she couldn't control the pent-up emotions inside of her," Will said before holding out an envelope. "I knew that JJ coming here wouldn't be a good idea but you need to give this letter to Spencer. Please make sure he reads it. She still cares for him. Spencer will always be Henry's godfather."

Rossi took the letter and looked at it. He sighed before looking back at Will. "I'll give it to him but JJ must know that she has to face the consequences of what she did. Tell her what Spencer did after she left. I want her to know that her actions have consequences."

"I'll tell her," Will nodded. "How is he doing?"

"He's asleep. Garcia is asleep with him too. She calms him down. He's going to need a lot more time before he's ready to come back into the world."

* * *

Reid felt someone stroking his nose. He opened his eyes gently to see Garcia in front of him. "Hey, sleepy. It's time to eat something and take your medicine."

"How long was I asleep?" he yawned before rubbing his eyes.

"We've been asleep for almost eleven hours," she smiled. "It's morning. Looks like we were both tired."

"I've never slept that long before without the help of my sleeping pills," Reid said. "I didn't have a nightmare."

"I guess I'm a sleep goddess as well as a tech goddess," she grinned at him. "I slept well because I knew you were safe in my arms. Do you want to come downstairs for breakfast? Rossi is making some amazing omelets. It'll be good to stretch your legs a little."

"Are you staying for breakfast?" he asked. "I'd like it if you were."

"Rossi's food is something I love eating. I'm not missing the chance to eat it. Come on."

Garcia pulled the cover aside and helped Reid sit up. He stood up but grabbed her hand before she could start walking. "Thank you for staying with me, Garcia. I felt safe last night."

"I'll be here for you as long as you need," she said before stroking some of his hair behind his ear. "Let's get you some food."

* * *

Rossi and Garcia watched with smiles on their faces as Reid slowly ate his omelet. Reid pushed his glasses up his nose. He had taken out his contact lenses and decided to wear his glasses for now. Garcia watched Reid turn the page in the newspaper and scan over it.

"It's nice seeing you eat something," Rossi said before taking a sip from his coffee.

"How could I turn down one of your omelets," Reid shrugged timidly before returning his attention to his plate. Rossi waited for ten minutes as Reid managed to finish all of his breakfast. The sight of the empty plate gave him a sense of relief. He brought out JJ's letter and slid it across the table.

"What is this?" Reid questioned.

"It's from JJ," Rossi said calmly. "Will brought it by last night. I'm angry with her but Will told me that she realizes what she said was wrong. I don't know what is in this letter but I know she wants you to read it."

"Why should I read it?" Reid huffed. "I don't need another reminder that I'm a bad godfather."

"I don't think that the words bad godfather are in this letter."

Garcia reached out and held his hand. "I can read it with you if you want."

"No," Reid sighed before taking the letter and holding it in his hands. "I'm going to go back to bed. I'll read it there."

* * *

Reid felt warm under the duvet. He turned the envelope over and opened it. He pulled out two pages of paper and began to read.

_Spencer,_

_I'm so sorry for what I said. I never meant to hurt you the way that I did. I don't know what's wrong with me. You will always be Henry's godfather and nothing will ever change that. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. All of this has been tough and I've struggled to deal with it because of how much it has changed your life. You're special to me because you're my best friend and you're family. There is no-one I trust more in this world. I know that Henry would stay safe with you and that you would care for him if anything were to ever happen to me._

_I got angry at you and I had no right to. You've been through something horrific and something that I can never understand. You went to a dark place and I know you thought that suicide was the only way out. My sister hanged herself when I was younger and I've never fully been able to get over her death. I just don't want to lose you that way too. I don't want to lose you at all. For the weeks that you pushed us away, I cried because I couldn't be there for you or help you through this. I imagined so many horrible things that you might have done and it scared me near to death._

_I need you to know that I'm sorry for what I said and that I don't expect forgiveness until I can earn it. I really want to come and see you but I will only come when you want me to. I do want you to see Henry and he really wants to see you._

_I do trust you with my son and so does Will. You're part of our family and that will never change. We love you._

_I've watched you grow into a strong man who has saved so many people. I know that you're still that man. Norton is nothing. Don't let him win. You've done an amazing amount of good in this world. You have so much more goodness to give the world._

_You're strong and I know you can get through this._

_Henry found out I was sending a letter. He wanted me to put in this picture._

_I'm sorry._

_JJ_

Reid looked to the other piece of paper to see a drawing of Henry and himself playing in a park. He smiled and stroked his hand over the words in the corner.

_'Love you, Uncle Spence.'_

He closed his eyes and absorbed JJ's words.

* * *

JJ sat on the edge of the bathtub and giggled as she looked at the stick in her hand. She looked to the other three sticks on the counter and couldn't help smiling. Will knocked on the door. "JJ, can I come in?"

"Yes," she said happily. Will walked in and stared at the stick in her hand. "Is that a pregnancy test?"

JJ nodded quickly before grinning. "Will, I'm pregnant."

"What?!" Will gasped.

"I've taken four and they all came back positive. I've been so focused on everything with Spencer and I didn't realize. I've missed two periods. My emotions have been everywhere too. I'm pregnant. We're going to have another baby."

Will swooped down and wrapped his arms around her. "We're having a baby."

He came away and kissed her stomach. "I can't wait to meet you."

JJ kissed the top of Will's head and let tears of joy run down her cheeks. She felt her pocket buzz and brought out her cellphone to see a message. She almost dropped her phone at the message.

"Will, pack Henry a bag," JJ said quickly.

"Why?

"Reid wants us to come over and he wants us to bring Henry. Garcia sent me a message."

* * *

Reid let out a small moan as he felt a small hand brushing through his hair. He wasn't scared of this touch though. He slowly opened his eyes to see Henry sitting next to him with hand stroking his hair. Henry smiled and moved his hand away when he saw his godfather's eyes open. "Hey, Uncle Spence."

"Hey, Henry," Reid smiled before slowly sitting up. "I'm happy to see you again."

"Mommy said that you aren't feeling well. I'm here to make you feel better. Mommy said that you wanted to see me because I make you feel better."

"You make me forget that I'm even ill," Reid said. "I'm so sorry, Henry."

"You only say sorry if you did something bad," Henry frowned. "Did you do something bad?"

"Come here."

Henry moved up and cuddled himself under Reid's arms. Reid hugged him close and looked at him. "I did something bad. I almost went away and going away meant I was never able to come back. I almost left you and I'm sorry for that. I made your mommy a promise the day you arrived into this world."

"What promise?"

"I promised that I would be your godfather and that I would always protect you. Almost leaving you is the biggest mistake I've ever made. I hope you can forgive me for almost leaving you."

"I forgive you, Uncle Spence. Please don't ever leave. You're the best at playing Lego with me and you've got the best stories. Promise you'll never go."

"I will never leave you," Reid said before hugging Henry closer. "I love you, Henry."

"Love you too," Henry grinned before he stroked his hand over the bandages wrapped around Reid's arms. "Did you have an accident?"

"I was riding a bicycle and I fell off it. I scraped up my arms really bad. I'm going to get better. Can you get your mommy? I need to talk to her and then after we've had a talk, I'll do whatever you want."

"I brought my Lego and I've got lots of DVDs," Henry said happily. "I'll get mommy!"

Reid watched Henry climb off the bed and rush out of the bedroom. He closed his eyes and tried to prepare himself for JJ's arrival. He wondered if she would shout at him again. A creak came from the doorway. He looked up to see JJ standing there. He brought the duvet up to cover his legs. He felt vulnerable for the first time in front of her. JJ slowly walked into the room and lowered herself to the edge of the bed. "Hello, Spence."

"I know that I almost left Henry," Reid said quickly. "I wasn't thinking straight and it's just everything that has happened is eating away at me."

JJ grabbed his hands and held them. "I was wrong to shout at you and I shouldn't have said what I said. You'll always be Henry's godfather and nothing will ever change that. I trust you and I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you. I just can't lose you the same way I lost my sister. I can't take losing another member of my family that way. I hope one day that you can forgive me for hurting you like this."

"I forgive you," he began to cry. "I hope you can forgive me for almost leaving Henry. I'm so sorry and I promise I won't ever leave him. I'm so sorry. I just didn't want to face life anymore. I thought I wasn't worthy of it anymore."

"I forgive you. Just please don't ever try to leave us again. Don't ever think you're not worthy of life because you are. You're an amazing man who has so much more to give the world."

"I need help," he cried. "I need help but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of someone coming to hurt me again. I'm just afraid of being nothing."

JJ wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "You're never alone. You're not nothing. You are everything. You're the glue that holds this family together and you'll have all the help in the world."

She came away and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I know you can get through this. Henry needs you. Henry's little brother or sister will need you in about seven months."

Reid looked to her stomach with surprise. "Wait. You're pregnant."

JJ giggled and nodded. "I am."

She took his hand and put it on her stomach. "This little one will need their godfather."

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